Ok so I have not been around... I am so sorry. What's new with me??? Hmmm let's see. Where to begin. I have had the worst few weeks ever! I had to get away for a few days.I just heard from an old friend of mine and she told me that Billy dropped his bike and It has been a very long recovery for him. I know we are not dating anymore but we were talking civil the a few months or so ago, trying to get past the drama. For Hannah's sake of course. ALthough he is not Hannah's father, he played a huge role in her life and she misses him terribly. I never really talk about Billy much anymore. I guess it may be too painful for me. I mean if you asked one of my closest friends who Billy is, I don't know if they could answer that. Now he is in the hospital with a broken back, ribs and 2 broken elbows and femurs. ANd no pun intended but how ironic, the amount of times I wished he would crash his bike. God I am an evil bitch. I will never ever ever wish any harm on another human being. I feel so terrible. No matter what this man has ever done to me (and those who know me can understand my evil wishes, and those who don't believe me.. it was bad) He does not deserve the pain and worry he is embracing right now. I could not bring myself to visit him tonight. Hannah just got home from her dad's and I was cleaning the house, doing laundry and unpacking mostly. I didn't get much writing done today. I really wanted to get another chapter completed but my life has been boring lately so I really need some drama to inspire me.
I finally moved, and let me just tell you, next time (which will be very very far away) I am hiring a moving company. Not that I did much, it was just too stressful for me.
My Labor Day weekend was very eventful actually. Friday night we trucked down to Marshfield to the scummy Ranch house because my latest favorite band was down there. {{{{DOUBLESHOT}}}} These guys are fucking sick! They rocked as usual. That place sux though. The Ranch House in MArshfield. It was so annoying actually. Because these guys are a great band. Oh and Ed... the singer is incredible. He really is. They are all awesome musicians and there music choices are off the hinges. O.K.? But anyway, they let me sing Sweet Child O Mine and I rocked it. I could have been alot better but an hour before that I was making love to Jose Cuervo and He made me a little dizzy if ya know what I mean. Yeah, so next time I will not mug out with Jose until after I sing. mmmmmm he was good though. ha ha ha. Hannah and I just got in from our walk. I walked her to the park and let her ride her bike up and down and I showed her the wiccan trees that I planted 3 years ago and explained to her that the earth is our haven and that she can choose whatever path she wants but she needs to take care of the earth. She likes it when I read her my books and my poetry. While I was reading, she was listening so attentively and asked questions that really impressed me. For a 7 year old, she is quite brilliant and I just love her curiosity. I would never make her become a catholic, pagan, whatever. She needs to choose the road she wants to follow. I mean I am 26 years old and I still do not know what roads to follow. I follow whatever I bring myself to. I believe there is a higher power and I believe he is walking me through this crazy, duranged, fucked up world. I don't understand some of the things this higher power allows or controls but I know there is something. and Hell yeah I believe in the Devil. To be perfectly and blatantly honest, I firmly resolve that I am living in purgatory. I seriously think that I was on the verge of evil but not quite bad enough, in my past life, therefore I was sent to purgatory (MY LIFE NOW) to make up for what I did. Which of course makes no sense because as far as I have read or heard, purgatory is a bunch of wanderers searching for love and never being happy. Oh ... wait. ok. yeah I am in purgatory and I just want to get out of here.
HAHAHA ALright enough of this heavy crap. I am so PMS ing today that I sometimes do not think clearly and I begin to yap way too much. I am very very happy. I have my princess baby girl, HAnnah who is the best thing that ever walked the face of this planet and She is the very reason why I know there is a God because She is an angel sent to me to smarten me up. And my God she did.
I was thinking yesterday as I was wiping down my living room walls, that I would really love a son. I don't want to get married any time soon but I want a son before I am 30. Which leaves me a little bit over 3 years to find a baby boy to adopt. I think then I will feel complete. Ideally, I would be married and making a son, but I just cannot seem to find anyone who is good enough for HAnnah and I and who will be understanding of my lifestyle and my likes and dislikes. And the one man who would ever put up with me is now married and I completely blew it with him. Ahhhh I kick myself in the ass every day I wake up and realize he is not next to me anymore and never will be. Why is it so hard? Am I too picky?
Well, I am off to go watch my new favorite tv show. The "O.C." I just love the snobby rich kid, bad boy meets good girl kind of shit. It reminds me of my life on McKinley Drive in Abington. ha ha ha
Good night, I love you all.
Katie