I WANT SO BADLY TO LOVE AGAIN . . .
My brain is in overdrive and I feel as though it is malfunctioning. My head is spinning. My mind is racing and my heart is torn to shreds. I feel as though I have been pushed in front of a moving train and left for dead. My emotions are running ragged and my tears will not cease. My lifeless heart is beating but barely.
My life changed last night. I became the very person I swore I would never be. My actions are full of fault and just plain irresponsible. I regret ever waking up yesterday. I wish I was still in bed, sleeping soundly, dreaming. Dreaming of a better place where noone can ever be hurt. A destination where everyone is complete and happy. The roads are always smooth and there are never any bumps. I close my eyes while typing this and try to envision it in my mind. Nothing happened though. I want to fly. So far and so high, away from here. I want this ache to go away. I want to start at the very beginning but I want to know then what I know now. I want to make different decisions and try harder to succeed.
When will I truly feel loved? When will my heart allow love inside again? Why is it so hard for me to accept and handle? Don't I deserve the chance to truly be loved? Isn't it about time that I am happy?
It feels as though I am dead inside. All too many people have stated the same. I don't really have an explanation. I have not a clue why I am so cold. I can only promise that I am working hard to figure this all out. It is such a painful walk down memory lane. It has the feeling of a sharp knife stabbed into my heart. It makes me cry and it makes me angry. I only hope that this walk is over soon and that I find exactly what it is I am searching for to make me happy. All I want to do is hear the words "I Love you, Katie" and truly believe and feel it. I want to feel extraordinarily happy and full of joy. I would pass up diamonds, pearls, platinum and mansions for that one feeling.
I want to love again. I really, truly yearn for this.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
To Jay and Wacka . . . I am sorry for what I subjected you both to last night. Can you ever forgive my sharp tongue? Thank you for tucking me in and making sure I was safe. It means everything in the world to me.
www.rubysfire.com
My life changed last night. I became the very person I swore I would never be. My actions are full of fault and just plain irresponsible. I regret ever waking up yesterday. I wish I was still in bed, sleeping soundly, dreaming. Dreaming of a better place where noone can ever be hurt. A destination where everyone is complete and happy. The roads are always smooth and there are never any bumps. I close my eyes while typing this and try to envision it in my mind. Nothing happened though. I want to fly. So far and so high, away from here. I want this ache to go away. I want to start at the very beginning but I want to know then what I know now. I want to make different decisions and try harder to succeed.
When will I truly feel loved? When will my heart allow love inside again? Why is it so hard for me to accept and handle? Don't I deserve the chance to truly be loved? Isn't it about time that I am happy?
It feels as though I am dead inside. All too many people have stated the same. I don't really have an explanation. I have not a clue why I am so cold. I can only promise that I am working hard to figure this all out. It is such a painful walk down memory lane. It has the feeling of a sharp knife stabbed into my heart. It makes me cry and it makes me angry. I only hope that this walk is over soon and that I find exactly what it is I am searching for to make me happy. All I want to do is hear the words "I Love you, Katie" and truly believe and feel it. I want to feel extraordinarily happy and full of joy. I would pass up diamonds, pearls, platinum and mansions for that one feeling.
I want to love again. I really, truly yearn for this.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
To Jay and Wacka . . . I am sorry for what I subjected you both to last night. Can you ever forgive my sharp tongue? Thank you for tucking me in and making sure I was safe. It means everything in the world to me.
www.rubysfire.com
posted by Yours Truly, Katie at 2/24/2004 07:26:00 PM
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