Tuesday, August 24, 2004

I NEED A VACATION

I AM MOVING INTO A NEW HOUSE IN 2 WEEKS, I HAVE A NEW CAR, I HATE MY JOB, AND MOST OF MY FRIENDS RIGHT NOW, AND I HAVE NO INTEREST IN COMMITING TO ANY MAN ANYTIME SOON. I WANT A NORMAL LIFE. I SEE ALL OF MY FRIENDS WITH STEADY BOYFRIENDS AND I WANT IT. THEN WHEN I HAVE IT I DON'T WANT IT. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. IT'S ALMOST AS IF I HAVE SOME SORT OF HEX ON ME. I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING MEN IN MY LIFE WHO SECRETLY I LOVE DEARLY. BUT I CANNOT LOVE THEM ALL. I CANNOT HAVE THEM ALL. IT IS NOT RIGHT. IT IS WRONG!!!! WHY IS IT THAT I AM SO STRESSED OUT ABOUT THIS. COULD IT BE THAT OUT OF ALL OF THEM, NOT ONE IS THE RIGHT ONE? IS IT ME? IS IT THEM? WHAT THE FUCK IS IT? IT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. IT BOTHERS ME TO NO END AND I AM SO COMPLETELY FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF. I GET ALL FIRED UP AND THEN I AM SO HARD ON MYSELF. I BLAME MYSELF FO ALL OF MY BAD LUCK. I BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING. I JUST WANT TO MEET THAT GUY, LOOK INTO HIS EYES, FALL IN LOVE AND NOT BE DREADFULLY BORED A FEW WEEKS LATER AND THEN EVENTUALLY PUSH HIM AWAY.
MY CAT IS DRIVING ME NUTS. HE ALWAYS BREAKS INTO MY BATHROOM AND TEARS APART THE TOILET PAPER...THEN PROCEEDS TO THE LITTER BOX AND KICKS EVERYTHING IN IT OUT OF IT, THEN I ASSUME RIGHT AFTER THAT IS WHEN HE ATTACKS MY LAUNDRY, KNOCKS IT OVER AND DRAGS MY CLOTHES THROUGH THE HOUSE. I ACTUALLY DREAD TURNING THE DOORKNOB OF MY FRONT DOOR BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE DISASTER LET ALONE CLEAN IT UP.
NOW THATS ALL OUT OF MY SYSTEM, ITS TIME FOR ME TO FINISH MY SONG, AND THEN HIT THE HAY. DID I JUST SAY "HIT THE HAY"??? YEAH I DID. YEAH.. MAYBE NO SONG AND JUST BED!

CIAO'
-ME



www.rubysfire.com

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