I am freaking out. Courtney just called me. She figured I should know that Billy had an allergic reaction to one of the medicines and it cut circulation to his badly broken leg. Now he has an erupting fever and has slipped unconcious. I am completely in another world right now. I don't know what I can actually do. I feel as though I am being selfish thinking that I really don't want to get close to this man again. He was once the devil to me until recently. I feel as though I don't belong by his side. As much as I will always love him, I just don't want to get too involved ever again. And that is what I am doing I think.... getting too involved. I feel like such a selfish bitch thinking this.


"Music I heard with you was more than music, and bread I broke with you was more than bread. Now that I am without you, all is desolate; all that was once so beautiful is dead."