I HAVE CHOSEN TO BE ALONE TONIGHT
As I was straightening my hair with my extremely hot ironing plate and burned my finger twice doing so, I started to realize that the scoldering blisters that sit upon my thumb and forefinger could very well be a sign that tonight is not the night to go raise hell. I figured that tonight might be the night that I fast and cleanse my body for my FIRST REGIONAL party as an "Old Lady" tomorrow. I have had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I may run into trouble tonight...Be it getting drunk, driving and crashing, getting in a fight, saying stupid things...Whatever it may be... I felt a surge of negativity and I have decided to stay in and catch up on my next chapter. I had hoped I would have the seventh chapter finished last week but alot has happened and I have not had time. I have this sickening feeling inside of me and I demanded, when Liz left my house 4 minutes ago **BLOGGER BLOCKED FOR AUTHORIZED USERS ONLY The gut feeling I have in the pit of my stomach has never decieved me and I have too many witnesses who would back me up if you needed it. I am not claiming I am a psychic. I just sometimes get "surges" that I have ignored and things have happened. So ..... needless to say I don't ignore them anymore. False labor or not... I push.
Anyway, I have completed my first 6 chapters and I am into the 4th page of my seventh.
I needed to take a break from my mind for a minute and drink some herbal tea. I have been saving my vocals for next weeks show. Music to me is my therapy. When people stress me or when people bring me down I tend to write another song or even run a bath, put the jacuzzi jets on and just sit back and smoke a cigarette and sing at the top of my lungs..... "I put my arms around his neck...and drew him down to me so he **BLOCKED PARTIALLY
Anyway. It is Friday night...I am sipping Green tea, I spiked my diet coke with Parrot Bay and I am ready to roll into my autobiography. I am on the part of my life when I met my daughter's father now... hahah this should be very interesting. (and because he would not sign the statement of release from the publisher) his name has been changed to Benjiman. NOT that anyone is going to be fooled right? What an idiot. But he has his "rights"... yeah. RIGHT! He should have no rights the fucking dead beat. PAY FOR YOUR CHILD.... BE A FATHER YOU WORTHLESS PRICK... the sad part is... "BENJIMAN" haha he was my inspiration for my book. The Book is titled "Ruby's Fire" It is all about my madness of my life. The flames that burn me from the inside. It includes alot of my life with the Rock Stars I have met and my relationships and my struggles to be the successful single mother I am today. The roads I had to walk upon be them rocky, smooth or full of steep hills...it is an inspiring book and I hope I will be on Oprah someday talking about it. Mark my Words... I will be sitting with OPRAH. Anyway, as Sick as it sounds and how shocked alot of people in my life will be when they read it..... It will make them see me alot differently I think. I have hopes that maybe I will be better understood... Not that I care but I think it will help my mind more than anyone elses which is far more important to me. I need to see myself more visibly if you know what I mean.
I spoke to an old friend of mine from Vegas tonight. He called me because he was thinking of me and informed me that he also had a "weary" feeling tonight in reference to me or someone I am associated with. He told me that although my aura will be protected... I still must be cautious. Being who I am is an honor but also a death trap. Alot of people just cannot understand that. I have a ton of "associates". I can't even count them all. I have only 5 friends. And to me that is not an awful lot. I am not even including in that list my coven sisters but they know they are more than friends to me. I need to be very careful. I have straightened my life out. I am successful. My site has already grossed alot of money and YEAH! of course there are haters but all I can do is say a chant for them that they become more open minded. I cannot hate them back. I can laugh and tell them to fuck off but I cannot hate. There is not a bone in my body that will allow that. I am not keeping secrets. I am not "in the closet" I choose to keep my beliefs private in an effort to be able to fail alone and succeed alone. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I know who loves me. I know who is important. I have chosen to start my life over and to "turn over a new leaf" and that is what I am going to do. I have started a new relationship with a man who will never judge me. He will never harm me and he will never ever abandon me. I am excited about my journey with him and I don't care what ANYONE says about WHO HE IS or who his brothers are or what he belongs to. He is a MAN. and he makes me smile and he makes me laugh and not to menation the fact that he makes me feel safer than I have ever felt in my entire life. I want to start a life with him. Not only do I get to have a relationship with him, I get to continue a relationship with his club of brothers who are literally the strongest and greatest group of men I have ever had the pleasure to acquaint. Like I said tomorrow is my first regional and I am excited.
I am off to finish my chapter. That is my goal for the evening and I cannot wait to get this in paperback. haha or hard cover. I have until November 15th (my mom's birthday) to complete the entire book edited and all, so I am really crunching here. I know in my heart that I am a good person and deserve the respect...BLOGGER PARTIAL BLOCK
I love you all and I will see you all soon.
XOXO Katie Anne
Anyway, I have completed my first 6 chapters and I am into the 4th page of my seventh.
I needed to take a break from my mind for a minute and drink some herbal tea. I have been saving my vocals for next weeks show. Music to me is my therapy. When people stress me or when people bring me down I tend to write another song or even run a bath, put the jacuzzi jets on and just sit back and smoke a cigarette and sing at the top of my lungs..... "I put my arms around his neck...and drew him down to me so he **BLOCKED PARTIALLY
Anyway. It is Friday night...I am sipping Green tea, I spiked my diet coke with Parrot Bay and I am ready to roll into my autobiography. I am on the part of my life when I met my daughter's father now... hahah this should be very interesting. (and because he would not sign the statement of release from the publisher) his name has been changed to Benjiman. NOT that anyone is going to be fooled right? What an idiot. But he has his "rights"... yeah. RIGHT! He should have no rights the fucking dead beat. PAY FOR YOUR CHILD.... BE A FATHER YOU WORTHLESS PRICK... the sad part is... "BENJIMAN" haha he was my inspiration for my book. The Book is titled "Ruby's Fire" It is all about my madness of my life. The flames that burn me from the inside. It includes alot of my life with the Rock Stars I have met and my relationships and my struggles to be the successful single mother I am today. The roads I had to walk upon be them rocky, smooth or full of steep hills...it is an inspiring book and I hope I will be on Oprah someday talking about it. Mark my Words... I will be sitting with OPRAH. Anyway, as Sick as it sounds and how shocked alot of people in my life will be when they read it..... It will make them see me alot differently I think. I have hopes that maybe I will be better understood... Not that I care but I think it will help my mind more than anyone elses which is far more important to me. I need to see myself more visibly if you know what I mean.
I spoke to an old friend of mine from Vegas tonight. He called me because he was thinking of me and informed me that he also had a "weary" feeling tonight in reference to me or someone I am associated with. He told me that although my aura will be protected... I still must be cautious. Being who I am is an honor but also a death trap. Alot of people just cannot understand that. I have a ton of "associates". I can't even count them all. I have only 5 friends. And to me that is not an awful lot. I am not even including in that list my coven sisters but they know they are more than friends to me. I need to be very careful. I have straightened my life out. I am successful. My site has already grossed alot of money and YEAH! of course there are haters but all I can do is say a chant for them that they become more open minded. I cannot hate them back. I can laugh and tell them to fuck off but I cannot hate. There is not a bone in my body that will allow that. I am not keeping secrets. I am not "in the closet" I choose to keep my beliefs private in an effort to be able to fail alone and succeed alone. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I know who loves me. I know who is important. I have chosen to start my life over and to "turn over a new leaf" and that is what I am going to do. I have started a new relationship with a man who will never judge me. He will never harm me and he will never ever abandon me. I am excited about my journey with him and I don't care what ANYONE says about WHO HE IS or who his brothers are or what he belongs to. He is a MAN. and he makes me smile and he makes me laugh and not to menation the fact that he makes me feel safer than I have ever felt in my entire life. I want to start a life with him. Not only do I get to have a relationship with him, I get to continue a relationship with his club of brothers who are literally the strongest and greatest group of men I have ever had the pleasure to acquaint. Like I said tomorrow is my first regional and I am excited.
I am off to finish my chapter. That is my goal for the evening and I cannot wait to get this in paperback. haha or hard cover. I have until November 15th (my mom's birthday) to complete the entire book edited and all, so I am really crunching here. I know in my heart that I am a good person and deserve the respect...BLOGGER PARTIAL BLOCK
I love you all and I will see you all soon.
XOXO Katie Anne
posted by Yours Truly, Katie at 10/03/2003 09:28:00 PM
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