FOR BRIAN MEOLA 11/21/2003

My foundation was rocked.
My tried and true way to deal was to vanish.
My departures were old.
I stood in the room shaking in my boots.
At that particular time love had challenged me to stay.
At that particular moment I knew not run away again.
That particular month I was ready to investigate with you.
At that particular time

We thought a break would be good.
For four months we sat and vacillated.
We thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding.
At that particular time love encouraged me to wait.
At that particular moment it helped me to be patient.
That particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant.

I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself.
And yet I wanted to save us high water or hell.
And I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt.
And in the meantime I lost myself
I'm sorry I lost myself…I am

You knew you needed more time.
Time spent alone with no distraction.
You felt you needed to fly.
Solo and high to define what you wanted.
At that particular love encouraged me to leave.
At that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me.
That particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left
At that particular time