I am so upset right now. I have been going through the chapters of Ruby's Fire and depressing myself. The guy who has been typing the manuscript said he was almost in tears reading some of it. My aim was not to depress people. My aim was to show how I have grown through this madness and how much stronger I am. But I am not stronger at all. I feel weaker. I am so depressed right now. Chapter 2 is called "Paul" and I seriously, after reading the entire chapter, X'd the box and started to cry. I cannot believe the pain and anguish that man put me through. You have to remember that I started writing this book a long time ago and I am just editing and re writing some of the old parts and trying to write the middle and end. The editor whom by the way happens to have known my dad, is becoming frustrated with the length of the chapters and the details. He wants so many things cut out of it and I really don't. I am not experienced at this author thing and I am just overwhelmed. February 13th is right around the corner and I feel like once again...a failure. That it is not going to be a good book. That noone is going ro like it. So I really have not grown and I am definitely not strong.
I fucking suck.