Caught between a rock and a hard place was an expression that I never truly understood until this very moment. I am feeling both confused and aggitated inside. My mind is spinning like the teacups ride in an amusement park. It keeps turning and moving around in circles and making me completely dizzy. I am very much in love yet I am unclear of how I need to approach this feeling in my heart and my mind. I am frightened. I am edgy. I am timid. I feel as if a hurricane has come through my life and now I am left to pick up all of the pieces. I am saddened that I eel this way because I have such an oppurtunity to be happy and I know how I feel. I am just having a hard time with commiting my heart to someone again. I know that I will never be hurt by him. I know he loves me. I just feel as if I am not putting all of me into this because of my fears. I feel as though I am depriving him of my completeness and I want to wither away. I feel like I am being unfair.
A close friend of mine recommended that I go and see a therapist. He thinks that it may help me with the heart aches that have put me in my present state of mind. The scars and bruises I have inside of me apparently will fade if I talk to this "therapist". I have been thining long and hard about it and have ran it by a few of my other close friends, and they also feel like it could be a good idea. Pierre gave me the number of this certain "shrink" and I think I am going to call him tomorrow.
Now don't go freaking out about the contents of this blogger.... it is truth that lies deep within.
I cannot hold it inside me anymore. I have been burned soo deeply, inside of my heart.
I want no changes in the way things are. I am not reconsidering. I am just trying to make my self whole.