I received some news today that is seriously eating me up inside. I am not sure why he sent me those words. I don't know why he doubts my love or even thinks that I may be with another man. Why doesn't he think he is good enough? Why doesn't he think that I love him????? It is making me feel very bitter. It is making me feel very angry in fact. I am in a bad way right now...why does he even want to be with me? Why would he want to torture himself? I am staying away for his sake only. There is nothing more that I want to do then lie in his arms while he holds me. Can't he see that? There is nothing in this world that will make me happier then him getting on one knee and asking me to marry him...The actual words from his mouth will make my life complete. The fact that I am wearing his ring and know that my miserable life will finally be over. I guess that is when I will be happy forever... When he and I are finally after ten years walking down the aisle, getting married and re-establishing our lives once again. Maybe that is the reassurance I need.
I love him but I just do not want to burden him. I am trying to work it out on my own. Trying to get over this "hump" by myself...maybe I should just let him help me. But I can't. I need him to see that I love him anyway without him ever helping me. But I do need him and I do love him and I am making myself crazy and I am feeling dizzy right now. If I died tonight I desperately want him to know how much I need him in my life, how thankful I am that we found eachother again and how I hope to the moon and back that I never lose him again. I love you baby... Why is it so hard for you to comprehend that? Why are you so insecure? If anyone should be insecure...it should be me.. not you and you know it! Please know I would never ever hurt you. I am stressed out but I will be o.k. Don't turn your back on me now. I don't think I could bare it.

Once again.....one of those times I wish I was a pot head. Christ who has the weed?? Come on over will ya?

I am going to bury myself in my next chapter. Hopefully it will make me feel better.
Babe, if you are reading this, Please believe me when I say that I do not want to be with anyone else...nor would I ever. I have no intentions of going to that greener side. You are green enough for me. You are the greenest. I pinky promise! You are the only one for me. I have known it for 10 years and I know it still. Some things are the way they are and words just can't explain. Just feel it in your heart. You have to know that. No one else has ever showed me how to feel the way that I am feeling... Just you. So don't you dare give up on me now. It would defeat the entire fate of it.

Blog for you all later. I just needed a quick vent.... Scroll down to the song by Sheryl Crow. I posted the lyrics and it is exactly how I have been feeling. I actually listened for the first time to the lyrics and it hit me very hard. How fucking true huh?

Until then...