My apologies ~2002.. (I think this was a Brian one)

For hearing all my doubts so selectively and
For continuing my numbing relentlessly
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and overfunctioning

To whom do I owe the biggest apology ?
No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me

For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For myself love being so embarassingly conditional
And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible
and for trying to fit a rectangle into a ball

And
To whom do I owe the biggest apology ?
No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me

I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else

For blaming myself for your unhappiness
and for my impatience when I was perfect where I was
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready
and expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be

To whom do I owe the first apology ?
No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me


Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest ?
Forgetting you or forgetting myself...
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter
I would’ve naturally loved the former

For ignoring you: my highest voices
For smiling when my strife was all too obvious
For being so disassociated from my body
and for not letting go when it would’ve been the kindest thing

To whom do I owe the biggest apology ?
No one’s been crueler than I’ve been to me