CLEAN SLATE

Today I am remembering a few months back when I was in that car accident. I recall thinking to myself that I am going to die. I can remember the blood, the sweat,the screaming, the tears, the glass, and me practically ripping through the metal and glass, trying to grab Hannah from the wreck. As soon as she was safe, I can remember collapsing to the ground and falling unconscious. I don't remember much before or after that. I remember waking up in the ambulance and thinking "Oh My God am I alive? Where am I? Where is my baby?". I remember screaming bloody murder at them telling them to Give me my baby. The next thing I knew I was in a bed somewhere, in pain. I remember everyone saying to me how lucky I was. How it was amazing and miraculous.
I found an intensity of spiritual resolve upon me that night while I was awake in pain. Something told me that I needed to stop worrying so much. Stop stressing over the smallest things. I had this force pull me out of the rut, and not only save my life physically, but mentally.
The moral of my story here is pretty simple. I have been struggling with love, money, friendship, and even family. I have been pushing myself too hard for too long. I have been worrying about everyone and everythiing else except me and it needed to stop. I had the chance to really look back and ponder and analyze. I was lucky enough to distinguish the good from the bad, the important from the not so important. Out of the zillions of people I have established some sort of a relationship with, I am proud to say that only a small few of them are the important ones. Out of all of my so called loves or my so called lovers, Not one of them, can I actually testify to loving sincerely. Not one of them! It's strange how life's trials can make you change your entire perspective on your past, present and your future.
Since that tragic day, I have turned the page so to speak. I have a clean canvas and I am going to begin my next journey of life. This time I intend to do it the way I want to do it. Not the way my boyfriend would want me to, not the way my family says I should do it, not the way all of my critics and judges say it's supposed to be. I am doing it the way Katie sees fit.
As I move onto my next "chapter", I am traveling with an open heart, an open mind and truth. I will no longer wear the wall around my heart. I will allow myself to surface.
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