Joseph, I didn't mean to be a Bitch Cupcake. I am Sorry. But things worked out.. SEEEEEEE..... I am not as dumb as I look o.k.? BY&M....ILY2!

Posted to ruby@rubysfire.com 2004-02-10 03:26:41 CST
Posted by: *#&@(#)$*))___(___( @ aol.com
Subject: My last words
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October 21, 1999

LATE AT NIGHT, I CLOSE MY EYES
AND THINK HOW THINGS COULD'VE BEEN
AND WHEN I LOOK BACK
I REMEMEBER SOME WORDS YOU HAD SAID TO ME
"IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOST AT LOVE, THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL"
SOMETIMES IN MY HEAD
I CAN STILL SEE PICTURES OF YOU
AND I LAUGH TO MYSELF
WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE CRAZY THINGS WE USED TO DO
ALL THE MILES COME BETWEEN US
THE "JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME'S" (BY&M)
I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU FADE AWAY
BUT THAT JUST WOULDN'T BE ME

"LOVE LOST, IS LOVE FOUND AND YOU ARE THE LOST LOVE THAT I WILL FOREVER SEEK. I CANNOT BEGIN MY LIFE AGAIN UNLESS I HAVE YOUR BLESSING AND KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE THERE TO CATCH ME AS I WAS TO CATCH YOU. SO KATIE, THIS I ASK YOU:
I AM WALKING DOWN THE AISLE IN 21 DAYS TO MARRY THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN IN THE WORLD. YOU USED TO BE THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN IN MY LIFE, AND I CAN'T BEGIN TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE BEEN ON MY MIND. I ONCE COULD NOT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOU. . . UNTIL I MET HER. SHE WAS SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM YOU. SHE DIDN'T HAVE THAT SPARK TO HER. I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE HER. WELL I LOVE HER NOW BUT I THINK I STILL LOVE YOU. SHE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO HAVE CLOSURE WITH YOU AND I AM SCARED TO DEATH. I AM SCARED THAT I DON'T WANT CLOSURE FROM YOU. IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS 3 WEEKS AND 6 DAYS SINCE YOU LEFT ME AND NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T SEE YOUR FACE IN MY HEAD. NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T REPLAY THAT DAY WHEN YOU WALKED ONTO THE PLANE AND I WAS TOO LATE TO STOP YOU. I SAT AT THE AIRPORT FOR 4 HOURS AFTER YOUR PLANE LEFT. I AM NOT SURE YOU ARE AWARE OF THAT. YOU HAVE DENTED MY HEART. I THOUGHT SHE COULD HEAL IT AND MAKE IT WHOLE AGAIN BUT I AM FINDING NOW THAT THIS IS NOT SO. I GUESS WHAT I AM ASKING YOU IS....WELL WHAT I NEED TO KNOW IS ...DO YOU THINK OF ME AND WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT? DO YOU WISH THAT YOU NEVER LEFT ME? DO YOU THINK WE WERE MEANT TO BE? WHAT IF WE ARE AND I AM MAKING A BIG MISTAKE?
WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, CAN YOU PLEASE CALL ME? I NEED TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE THESE FEELINGS TOO. I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL EVER STOP LOVING YOU. IT IS NOT FAIR TO HER THAT I AM HAVING THESE FEELINGS. SHE BEGGED ME TO FIGURE THIS OUT. I AM COUNTING ON YOU TO HELP ME. I AM FLYING OUT TO NYC FOR THE WEEKEND AND WAS HOPING TO POSSIBLY MEET UP WITH YOU.
ONCE AGAIN I AM COUNTING ON YOU TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS MESS. I NEED YOU. I ASK THAT YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES OF YOUR TIME.
BY&M
ILY!
-- J --
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THE REPLY TO THIS LETTER WAS AS FOLLOWS "WORD FOR WORD" (god u were a witch)

J
I AM NOT ONLY SURPRISED TO HEAR FROM YOU, I AM ALSO CONFUSED AND HURT.
I HAVE TRIED CALLING YOU AND EVEN VISITED MY FAMILY A FEW MONTHS BACK AND TRIED NUMEROUS TIMES TO CONTACT YOU TO NO AVAIL. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE HAVING A HARD TIME RIGHT NOW. AS YOU KNOW, I HAVE A DAUGHTER NOW WHO IS MY #1 PRIORITY. I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON IN MY LIFE THAT THERE IS NO WAY I CAN BE OF ANY HELP. I WAS NOT EVEN AWARE THAT YOU WERE SEEING SOMEONE. WE DECIDED THAT WE WOULD GO OUR SEPERATE WAYS AND THAT I WAS TOO YOUNG TO BE MARRIED AND I HAD MY LIFE BACK IN BOSTON. WE WENT OUR SEPERATE WAYS AND I REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY TO YOU. I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE THIS EASIER FOR YOU BUT I CANNOT. I CARE DEEPLY FOR YOU AND WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU NEED TO GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. I WILL NOT ONLY BE A BURDEN TO YOU AT THIS POINT IN TIME, I AM UNABLE TO LOVE. THE ANSWER TO ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS IS NO EXCEPT ONLY ONE. I DO WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT AND I ALSO WISH I MADE A DIFFERENT CHOICE, BUT I DID NOT.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND PLEASE BE HAPPY.
BM&Y
ILYT!
KATIE ANNE
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WELL I MARRIED THE GIRL AND IT WAS THE BEST THING I COULD HAVE EVER DONE. ALTHOUGH I STILL TO THIS DAY THINK OF YOU OFTEN, SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE. I THANK YOU FOR THAT SUGAR. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU. AND YOU ARE RIGHT. YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME. WHEN I LISTEN TO THE RADIO OR EVEN WATCH A MOVIE.....IT IS YOU WHOM I WISH I WAS WITH. GO FIGURE. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU. AND ABOVE ALL THANK YOU FOR NEVER CHANGING.
AS MUCH AS I DESPISED YOU FOR A LONG TIME, IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I AM HAPPY. YOU ROCK SUGAR SUGAR. ANYWAY....... YOU STILL NEED TO FIND YOUR HAPPINESS AND FIND A NICE GUY TO TORTURE. (JUST KIDDING). BUT NOT REALLY. HA HA HA CALL ME TOMORROW IF YOU CAN.
BY&M
ILY!
J





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