Highway of Hell

As I sit here and cry alone I wonder frantically how I have come to this part of my journey. I feel helpless, out of control and overwhelmed. How could so many things fall apart at the seams so quickly and in sync? Not only have I lost my job, my home and every bit of dignity that I have but I have lost friends.
Hannah's dad is trying to destroy my life and slowly but surely he is succeeding.
I feel like I am in the midst of a terrifying tornado. I feel like the star of a lifetime movie. I feel like I am dying physically and emotionally.
5 months ago I was living the life of Riley. I had a great job. I had stability. I had all that I needed and then some. I never went without. I had all of my bills paid for. I never missed a beat. And then like a bat out of hell the Magic carpet ride was over. The rug had been lifted from under my feet. In all of 5 minutes my life was over.
My great job laid me off. I lost my life of security real fast.
At this very moment I have realized that money IS in fact the root of all evil. It is the bomb that takes down the sturdy factory that we spend our whole lives pouring our blood, sweat and tears into. It turns us into monsters. It makes us so high and happy and secure and with the drop of a hat it makes us die. How can a fucking piece of paper have such an intense impact on one's life?
Because of all of the stress that has piled onto my chest, I have grown bitter, angry and depressed. I have turned cold to people I love, I have burnt some bridges and in the end I have lost a few good friends. I regret that emmensely. It hurts inside of my heart. I cry because of the people I might have hurt unintentionally. I hate that my tongue has been harsh. I am truly sorry.
In a course of 5 measley months I have lost alot of things that were important. I have lost my mind as well. I have lost respect, courage, love, friendships, and I lost myself. I want to get myself back and I want to regain all that I have lost. I just don't know how the hell to do it. I am lost along this path of hell and I can't see the light anywhere. I am confused, drawn, tired, miserable, uncomfortable, angry, intensely overwhelmed and full of grief and sorrow. I know eventually this tornado of stress will pass. I just can't understand how it all came to this. Where did I go so incredibly wrong?
I am a good person. I am giving, loving, caring. I have alot of dignity and pride that definitely needs healing. I am sure I will bounce back. I just hope it won't be too late to make amends with the people I have crushed along my highway of hell.







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