"REALITY SLAP IN THE FACE WEEKEND"

Relax Time! I have had an eventful few days. My birthday was yesterday and I must say it was fun! I had a "reality slap in the face weekend" if you know what I mean. I have actually convinced myself that the men I have been involved with recently are not for me. I have decided to just be alone. I am not happy with any arrangement and I know I will never be happy living like that. Things with H and I have not been good lately and Brian and I are completely over. I cannot even begin to explain all of this to people who do not know or understand me so you can leave the rest up to your own imaginations. I went out with Liz and my boss last night. It was very good for me because I was able to listen to open minded and stable people who had no opinions except the truth and their very own observations. I was extremely relieved to hear what they had to say because I am so tired of people saying only what I want to hear. I feel as though I am cleansed and refreshed from all of this madness. IT has not been easy dating H and I really can't say that I have enjoyed being involved with him very much. He is a great guy and is solid in alot of ways. BUT.... I cannot settle for being #2 nor will I ever settle and I just do not trust what he says about it. He will never change in that aspect and I cannot settle for that. I cannot digest the past few months at all really. It sickens me to the bone that I have put up with the madness and insanity this long and I just seriously had to slam on the brakes. It will only hurt for a minute but it is time for me to be alone and explore my options....which brings me to the next incident that may or may not have assisted me in the "reality slap in the face weekend". I am driving to Dunkin' Donuts early Sunday Morning. I am watching this guy move a box into an apartment and I stop short because this man was my high school sweetheart whom I have not laid eyes on in years. I stop and yell "Tony?" and he was like hey!! And ran over to the truck. We chatted and exchanged numbers. He was going to come out with us last night for my birthday but he ended up going to bed. As I was walking into my house tonight the phone was ringing and it was him. So we talked and reminisced and "caught up" with everything we have missed with eachother. It was a long but interesting conversation and we laughed alot. I mean he was my boyfriend my entire high school years. We had a very touch and Go kind of relationship and as he put it earlier tonight "You are the only relationship I have had that was not a complete disaster". And I can only agree with him. We put eachother through hell but we were so young and immature. Now that we look back at it there was alot more great times than bad. We had more fun. At any rate, we have plans for Wednesday night. I am going over to see his house. Apparently it is a really fun house so I can't wait. I am eager to hang out with him and establish a strong friendship with him again. Because we were together through tumultuous times and we saw eachother through them and I am so glad that even though we let years pass us by, we still are civil enough to always pick up where we left off so to speak. I hope that we will get close again and not let years go by again.
Anyway, I am going to mop the kitchen floor and dust the wood floors. My house is a DISASTER after all of the parties I threw this weekend....Small parties of course but messy ones. It was my birthday so I have the right to have a bender ok? I have a few more paragraphs left in Chapter 21 of "Ruby's Fire". This chapter is an interesting one. I cannot wait for this book to be complete. I feel like I have been journaling my life forever!!!! I am getting a little antsy and bored. ahahah That's the ADD in me. haha I can never finish anything. There lies in the problem maybe!! Ahhhh.... time for some wine, slippers and my mop. I have got to tidy this place up. I can't sleep unless the floor is slept and I am already tired. I am so completely bummed out about SKIN. I am so pissed off that it is cancelled!! I am off to be the Domestic Diva that I can be sometimes and make my floor shine. Talk to everyone soon!
HAve a good night!
Katie