Ever wonder why the life that was given to you, well was given to you?
I have been on a mental breakdown war path which has started yesterday and still has not ended. I feel like someone has suffocated me and I am literally short of breath today. Thank Goddess it is Tuesday. Therapy night. I love going there now. I can speak openly to him as if he was a close girlfriend. He has my favorite wine there. I pour myself a glass and I plop myself down in his oversized chair with the rather large pillows and ottaman. I literally relax as soon as I enter his office. It reminds me of Brian's man town a little bit. It has the leather chairs, the t.v., the couches, and the sports memorabilia.... It is very comforting. There is no attraction by any means to my therapist. He is in his late 30's maybe early 40's. He is handsome but you know me. I like the Burly man. The football, burger eating, beer drinking, maybe harley riding, bring me to a football game instead of dinner in town kind of girl. I like the tattoos on the neck and the bald heads. I prefer the sharing the couch with a remote control control freak, but happily sitting there knowing he is with me. Sports Center . . .Bring it on!!!! Call me a freak. See if I care.
Anyway, I am anxious to go there tonight. I need his advice. He always gives great advice. He already told me last week that I am moving too fast again. Wait until he hears the new shit. My other therapist whom I don't pay 85.00 an hour for, Peter, is wonderful also. He is one of my customers and I always give him advice to him about his wife. I always give him gift ideas which always go over well with her. I know what girls like baby!!! We were talking yesterday and he could tell by my tone that something was up. He asked and I vented. He gave me some incredible advice and some I agree with and others I disagree with. But at any rate I appreciate his concern. He is a funny bastard and he means well but he cracks me right up. (See Phase 1 & 2 below)
I cannot wait to go to see Dr. Phil (I call him that). His smile warms me and makes me feel comfortable. I throw my sweats on and drive the short way to his in-house office. He never cares what I say. Nothing amazes him. I like to try to stun him. He supposedly has finished "Ruby's Fire" and I am so interested to see what he thinks. He liked it so far but did not get that far. The book is long, I do admit. Sully read it and he said he had to keep putting it down to stop him from punching a hole in the wall. He read it in full and he could only say WOW.
He wants the first copy. hahah Signed in my blood. HE is such a cracker.

As I am sitting here sulking, listening to Norah Jones and Maroon Five, I ask again..... Did you ever wonder why we are living the lives we are living? I do every minute of every day. I want a different life. I deserve something better than this. I am so exhausted of struggling paycheck to paycheck, rent, mortgage, car payments, school loans, bla bla bla bla bla. bitch bitch bitch. I just want to be worry free. How can I get to that point in my life without working 3 jobs?????????
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
RUBY
www.rubysfire.com