DUDE

DELETED

Poetry

Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time
the night is my companion, and solitude my guide
would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?

and I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and after, I'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest word to find
the truth enslaved
oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive

And I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and after, I'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear

Into this night I wander
it's morning that I dread
another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread
oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied

and I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and after, I'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes..

www.rubysfire.com

POETRY

If I could only touch you
If you could only see
The way I feel, the dreams I have
I think it's meant to be

I walk alone at night time
And dream that you're with me
I talk about my day and night
And speak into the breeze

These words are just a whisper
Speaking from my heart
I wonder if you heard them
Would we still be apart?

If I could only touch you
If I could kiss your face
If dreams became reality
Would it all come into place
The love I have inside me
Is stronger than I've known
So please, my love, come to me
And make yourself at home

I walk alone at night time
Remembering your voice
I search the stars forever
I wonder where you are

I will wait forever
To have one night with you
To hold you strong, and keep you
My love for you is true

If I could only touch you
If you could only see
The way I feel, the dreams I have
I think it's meant to be

www.rubysfire.com

Poetry

Fallen angel
Come to me
Give me something to believe
Before I turn on every vow
Turn to me if you still know how

Spent my share of restless days
Coal black suitcase
Fall from grace
All the while I was breaking down
Turn to me if you still know how

I tried to tell you but I don't know how
Every Frown has turned upside down
I am so glad that I've found you
So turn to me if you still know how

Change comes slowly it's just
a little hard to see
I know some of my demons
They're still haunting me
Wanting me

Fallen angel
Comfort me
Help me get back on my feet
Because I can't keep myself from falling down
I just can't keep myself from falling down
So turn to me if you still know how

www.rubysfire.com

THANK GOD ITS OVER!!!! time for some mint chocolate chip

So the Cleary-Judd Wedding was a complete success . . . with the exception of Chris and I dancing like Broadway stars and accidentally smashing the entire bottle of Bud Lite on the dance floor . . . we decided to never talk about that scene ever again. , ., ., so I wont. For the past 2 weeks I have been out drinking ALOT because of the wedding. I never realized how completely time consuming and dragged out all of the planning is. I went out Last Fri, Sat, Sun, , Wed, Thurs, Last night and now today (Saturday). Technically it is slready Sunday..... Which brings me to the next thing on my mind . . Yeah . . . I need a liver transplant.
I am so glad this wedding is over. I feel aa though I was the bride. It consumed all of my energy, all of my money. I had such a great time with friends and fsmily. I love Linda soo much and to think that she is moving to AZ.
Anyway, this week and most likely the week sfter, Or I will be toast. . . .yeah I cant even keep my eyes open long enough to finish typing.
www.rubysfire.com

A song about me! Gotta love it

Your perfume still lingers so sweetly
on my pillow where you laid your head
you left your earrings on the table
and your long red hair in my bed

these are just some of the things
that you left behind when you walked out on me
heaven knows what I'll find
this time around
to remind me
that you at one time were mine

there's a dust free square on my counter
where my picture of you went
I found the candy in the freezer
that you gave me the first day we met

there's just too many of them
reminders of what we had before
you'll find them all in a brown paper bag
right next to my heart on the floor
www.rubysfire.com

MMMMMMMMMMMM

Can you imagine us making love
The way it would feel the first time that we touch
Can you think of it the way I dream of it
I want you to see it like I'm seeing it
It's a picture of perfection
The vision of you and I

All night i lie awake
Because it's too much to take
Dreaming about the love that we could make
All day I think of schemes
To get you next to me
I want you so bad that i can barely breath
It's a sign of my obsession
That I can't stop thinking about

Youre lips upon my lips
can you just picture this?
Your fingertips on my fingertips
Your skin upon my skin
Would be the sweetest sin

Your lips upon my lips
Can you envision it?
Temptation I could never resist
Your skin upon my skin
Would be the sweetest sin

It would feel so good
To be so bad
You don't know how bad
I want that
I would do anything
To feel




www.rubysfire.com

YOU

I want to feel your body next to mine
Lying in my bed.
I want to wrap my arms around your neck
My head against your head
I want to touch your skin, kiss your face
trace your fingertips
I want to feel you touch me back, my love
force upon me your embrace
I want to take that forceful love of yours
Break through my chained up heart
I want to feel the way it feels to love
It's time for a brand new start
I yearn for your affection
I want to feel your strong shoulders
propped up right next to me
Lean over and trace your tattoo
while my fear of love goes free
I want to touch your lips and eyes
memorize your beautiful face
and kiss you from your head to your toes
and not ever miss a trace.
I want to feel you from the inside
Your thoughts, your love, your fears
Please hurry here to break my hearts chain
Please make my heart aware


www.rubysfire.com

NEXT CHAPTER

Today I am remembering a few months back when I was in that car accident. I recall thinking to myself that I am going to die. I can remember the blood, the sweat,the screaming, the tears, the glass, and me practically ripping through the metal and glass, trying to grab Hannah from the wreck. As soon as she was safe, I can remember collapsing to the ground and falling unconscious. I don't remember much before or after that. I remember waking up in the ambulance and thinking "Oh My God am I alive? Where am I? Where is my baby?". I remember screaming bloody murder at them telling them to Give me my baby. The next thing I knew I was in a bed somewhere, in pain. I remember everyone saying to me how lucky I was. How it was amazing and miraculous.
I found an intensity of spiritual resolve upon me that night while I was awake in pain. Something told me that I needed to stop worrying so much. Stop stressing over the smallest things. I had this force pull me out of the rut, and not only save my life physically, but mentally.
The moral of my story here is pretty simple. I have been struggling with love, money, friendship, and even family. I have been pushing myself too hard for too long. I have been worrying about everyone and everythiing else except me and it needed to stop. I had the chance to really look back and ponder and analyze. I was lucky enough to distinguish the good from the bad, the important from the not so important. Out of the zillions of people I have established some sort of a relationship with, I am proud to say that only a small few of them are the important ones. Out of all of my so called loves or my so called lovers, Not one of them, can I actually testify to loving sincerely. Not one of them! It's strange how life's trials can make you change your entire perspective on your past, present and your future.
Since that tragic day, I have turned the page so to speak. I have a clean canvas and I am going to begin my next journey of life. This time I intend to do it the way I want to do it. Not the way my boyfriend would want me to, not the way my family says I should do it, not the way all of my critics and judges say it's supposed to be. I am doing it the way Katie sees fit.
As I move onto my next "chapter", I am traveling with an open heart, an open mind and truth. I will no longer wear the wall around my heart. I will allow myself to surface.
www.rubysfire.com