EXHAUSTED

How could you just walk away and never turn back?
I stand here and watch you. I am watching you leave me.
After all that we have endured throughout these many years and you are gone.
You left not one thing for me to remember you.
It's all empty here.
I am completely empty inside.
I want to make you turn and see me.
See the expressions on my face.
See my tears.
I can't shout. My tongue is numb.
The words aren't audible.
My heart cannot comprehend the reasons.
I don't know what to do.
I was wishing on the stars tonight and I felt like you were here.
You have always been the fire that burns my midnight sky.
Now there is just ice chills.
Back then I felt as if you had broken into heaven,
Just to roll back the clouds.
You and I were on a mission
We searched and found eachother
IT was a one and a million love
You gave me that sacred kiss
We said we would never, ever chance it
We thought we would never miss
NOw I lie in bed and cry myself to sleep
I wonder where you are.
Are you tickling someone elses back?
Are you kissing her neck and her forehead?
DO you think of me like I think of you?
When can I breathe again?
I just want to kiss your face.
Who is going to whisper through my silent tears?
Who is going to chase away all of my fears?
You are gone baby and I am so broken.
The only way I fall asleep is to cry.



www.rubysfire.com

I can't keep my eyes off of you . . .

No matter how hard I try I can't get away from him. He intoxicates me with one glance.
He makes the grandest of impacts on my being. He forces me to think. He allows me to imagine what could be by his touch alone. His scent. His walk. His words. They spin me into this web of feelings that I end up attached and stuck to for good. Everything he says is like a perfectly written song. I walked by him this morning and I felt my skin well up with goose bumps. HIs eyes pierce right through my heart. I am so wrapped up in this tornado of emotions and I can't break free.

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LOVE ME OR HATE ME, EITHER WAY I AM ON YOUR MIND AND I AM IN CONTROL!!!!! THAT IS ALL

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NEW BLOG SITE

I EMAILED ALL OF MY REAL FRIENDS THE INFO TO WHERE MY NEW BLOG WILL BE FROM NOW ON. YOU HAVE A PASSWORD AND A SCREEN NAME THAT WAS ALSO EMAILED TO YOU THAT NEEDS TO BE ENTERED BEFORE VIEWING.
ITS BEEN FUN... BUT ALL FUN NEEDS TO END SOMEDAY RIGHT?
If you didnt get an email. I am sorry

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WOW

HAHAHA I JUST GOT THIS EMAIL FROM AN ANONYMOUS PERSON


I want to touch the warmth of your body,

And feel the heat of your skin.

I want to be the only one

That satisfies you...

The one to wet the sheets on your bed,

I want you,

To feel my seduction and my passion

To leave the prints of my burning fire

Within your soul...



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DO IT DO IT DO IT

Check me out!
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I only sleep with butterflies

t seems to me that I only sleep with butterflies. Call me crazy. I use this analogy for many reasons. The men I fall in love with are from afar. I think the underlying reasons are because I couldn't possibly have them around me 24/7. Sad but yet so true. I don't like hurting men. I just can't find it in my heart to keep them. I try and try and try and yet I cannot commit. The ones I truly love are miles and miles and miles away from me. From my circle. From my territory. I look forward to the visits, and to the phone calls. I love hearing of the trials and errors. I love learning of the career oppurtunities and the prospective contracts. I love listening to the voice on the other end of the phone and yes, I truly long to be held in their arms. I genuinely care and I miss the touch, the warmth, the love. But that all seems to crash and burn as soon as I have them, finally, in my arms.
And then I miss them terribly when they depart from my compound of mixed feelings and broken dreams. I watch the airplane fly above me and know that they will return again someday. I dread that it might be for good. I cringe thinking about the conversations we had in reference to making things work, sacrifices and long term relationships.
I often ponder on the fact that this has been a lifelong pattern. How do I break it? I don't know. How can I change my ways? I don't know. But I constantly live in fear that in the end, My butterflies will fly away and someone else will catch them in their own net, leaving me with an empty cocoon. I know. I am fucked in the head.
-Katie

An Airplane takes you away again
Are you flying above where I live?
Then I look up, a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night?
I'm not, but I like rivers that rush in.
So then I dove in.
Is there trouble ahead for you, the acrobat?
I won't push you, unless you have a net.
You say the word and you know I will find you.
Or if you need some time, I don't mind.
I don't hold on to the tail of your kite.
I'm not like the girls that you've known.
But I believe I'm worth coming home to.
Kiss away my night.
This girl only sleeps with butterflies.
So go on and fly then, baby.
Balloons look good from on the ground.
I fear with pins and needles around.
We may fall and then stumble upon a carousel.
It could take us anywhere.
You say the word and you know I will find you.
Or if you need some time, I don't mind.
I don't hold on to the tail of your kite.
I'm not like the girls that you've known.
But I believe I'm worth coming home to.
Kiss away my night.
This girl only sleeps with butterflies.
So go on and fly then, baby.

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I AM IN A HURRICANE OF FEELING

Please don't say I love you,

those words touch me much too deeply

and they make my core tremble

I Don't think you realize the power you have over me

And please don't come so close

It just makes me want to make you near me always

Please don't kiss me so sweet

it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow

And please don't touch me like that

It makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow

Please don't look at me like that

It just makes me want to make you near me always

Please don't send me flowers

they only whisper the sweet things you'd say

Don't try to understand me

your hands already know too much anyway

It just makes me want to make you near me always


And when you look into my eyes

please know my heart is in your hands

It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms

you have complete power over me

So be gentle if you please because

You hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth

And it makes me want to make you near me always

I want to be near you always


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HOW I FEEL . . FOR YOU MY LOVE

KATIE'S SONG OF FEELING FOR THE WEEK


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Highway of Hell

As I sit here and cry alone I wonder frantically how I have come to this part of my journey. I feel helpless, out of control and overwhelmed. How could so many things fall apart at the seams so quickly and in sync? Not only have I lost my job, my home and every bit of dignity that I have but I have lost friends.
Hannah's dad is trying to destroy my life and slowly but surely he is succeeding.
I feel like I am in the midst of a terrifying tornado. I feel like the star of a lifetime movie. I feel like I am dying physically and emotionally.
5 months ago I was living the life of Riley. I had a great job. I had stability. I had all that I needed and then some. I never went without. I had all of my bills paid for. I never missed a beat. And then like a bat out of hell the Magic carpet ride was over. The rug had been lifted from under my feet. In all of 5 minutes my life was over.
My great job laid me off. I lost my life of security real fast.
At this very moment I have realized that money IS in fact the root of all evil. It is the bomb that takes down the sturdy factory that we spend our whole lives pouring our blood, sweat and tears into. It turns us into monsters. It makes us so high and happy and secure and with the drop of a hat it makes us die. How can a fucking piece of paper have such an intense impact on one's life?
Because of all of the stress that has piled onto my chest, I have grown bitter, angry and depressed. I have turned cold to people I love, I have burnt some bridges and in the end I have lost a few good friends. I regret that emmensely. It hurts inside of my heart. I cry because of the people I might have hurt unintentionally. I hate that my tongue has been harsh. I am truly sorry.
In a course of 5 measley months I have lost alot of things that were important. I have lost my mind as well. I have lost respect, courage, love, friendships, and I lost myself. I want to get myself back and I want to regain all that I have lost. I just don't know how the hell to do it. I am lost along this path of hell and I can't see the light anywhere. I am confused, drawn, tired, miserable, uncomfortable, angry, intensely overwhelmed and full of grief and sorrow. I know eventually this tornado of stress will pass. I just can't understand how it all came to this. Where did I go so incredibly wrong?
I am a good person. I am giving, loving, caring. I have alot of dignity and pride that definitely needs healing. I am sure I will bounce back. I just hope it won't be too late to make amends with the people I have crushed along my highway of hell.







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SOME PICS FROM OVER THE WEEKEND

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