ANYPLACE BUT HERE

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FANCY THIS

Fancy That
© Stephen Ashbrook

Fancy you fancy’ing me
I believe you turned on a light burned out in me
As long as it’s you and me
There’s nothing they can do to take you away, you’ll see
That I believe in you and you believe in me
Fancy that, that you might fancy me

I’m sure you’ve heard what they all think
What’s a girl like you doing with a man like me

But I believe in you and you believe in me
Fancy that, that you might fancy me

Fancy you Fancy’ing me
I believe you turned on a light burned out in me
It’s late now and you’re asleep
There’s nothing they can do to take you away, you’ll see

www.rubysfire.com

my ups, my downs, my twists and turns, good and bad.

If I was made to explain my feelings at this very moment, I think I would fail. I pondered on poetry and lyric and still I am at a stand still. I sometimes wonder if the roller coaster I travel on daily will somehow stop. When I explain my life as a rollercoaster ride, I mean it in many different ways. There are the steep hills of turmoil, the flat surfaces of success, my ups, my downs, my twists and turns, good and bad. Today, my rollercoaster ride has come to a turning point, so to speak.

JAY. What to elaborate upon about Jay? Funny, Loving, Affectionate, Handsome, Tall, Mysterious and full of energy would be a great start. He walked into my life without warning and I have been on a whirl of a wind ever since. Two weeks ago he was sitting on my mothers deck late night when I walked in. He was there with some friends and my sisters. As soon as our eyes met, they locked, we were hooked. We never did stop looking at eachother that night. I didn't stop thinking of him until the next time I saw him which was a few days later. We spent the entire week talking on the phone, lying on the couch, and talking our ears off. I never did change out of my sweat pants, and he just ran his fingers through my hair until I fell asleep. I awoke in his arms. I love looking at the photo of him and I. It was taken the first night we met and we both are looking into eachother's eyes and it speaks a thousand words.

TANK. The amount of flowing feeling that runs through me for this man is absolutely astounding. His endless knowledge, his never ending affection, and his talented tongue and hardcore attitude is irresistible. The compatibility that brings us so completely together is unexplainable. The way he looks. His bald head,tattooed skin, and heartbreaking eyes. The debates he throws my way and the way he explains every detail so that I to, can understand. The way my names rolls off of his tongue, his southern drawl, it makes my skin raise goose bumps. Hearing his voice as I lie in my bed late at night is soothing to me. Even though he is a million miles away, I feel so completely safe. I yearn for the moment he holds me in his arms and I rest my head upon his strong shoulders and chest.

I am very lucky to have met the acquaintance of two very special men. While they are not intimate relationships, I still feel soulfully connected to each of them. In a matter of a few months I was blessed by the stars with these two amazing human beings, who have truly made a difference in my life. I look forward to riding my roller coaster ride with the both of them. I will also be happy to stop the ride at any time to allow them to get off.

www.rubysfire.com

FROM THE MOUTH OF TANK TO ME . . . HE ROCKS ME

I want to be the star shaped scar
Across your broken heart
I want to put you back together
You will wear my mark
Slowly strip your sinful skin
I can make you warm within
Let me give you everything
The sun, the moon, new life past death
Our lips will touch and hearts explode
We'll paint the sky like Fireflies
Bright will be our glow

Written by Tank May 26, 2004 10:47 p.m
www.rubysfire.com

My LIFE IS SUCH FREAKING ROLLERCOASTER RIDE . . .

As my weekend began to wind down I suddenly realized that I was finally happy. I actually am happy. Truly happy. Brian has done the last dirty deed to me, I met this guy named Jay who happens to be a friend of my old friend Wes, he makes me laugh all of the time and drives me crazy, and if nothing else happens out of it, I have found a best friend. I do not want a relationship, intimate, serious or game. I am not ready or willing and I am glad that he has not given me the impression otherwise. Seriously, Jay, is exactly like me in a 6'6" body. Him and I are going t be the best of friends I think. What started out as a drunkin' night with him and his friends on Wes's birthday night, me and my friends and then calling eachother all week, texting, etc... then hanging out Fri, Sat, Sun . . . . just hanging on the couch, talking and talking and talkng . . . it was really different and fun.
ANYWAY, I love making new friends. He is so adorable to boot so it's not even hard to hang out with him. Tall and handsome. hahah BUT we are ONLY FRIENDS SO CHILL OUT PEANUT GALLERY.
Anyhow, I hate my job, hate my ex, hate my car and want my truck back Wahhhhhhh. I absolutely love my outfit today however. I have a new Hermes bag and matching pumps. LOVE THEM! With my Gwen Stefani pants and "45" shirt. I am smoking today.. Too bad Jay isn't around today to see me dressed instead of lounging in my velours and tank with no make up. . . He'd fall in love... hahah So actually it's a good thing. Seeeee what I mean about a Rollercoaster?
www.rubysfire.com

POETRY

Lately I find I'm caught up in these thoughts
How will you come to me
How will we connect these hearts
Are you somewhere near
Hidden like a four-leaf clover
Are you miles away
Are we getting any closer

I already see us moving mountains
I already see us walking water
I already see the clouds we're flying
Over and under
I already see us having babies
Walking through the park and being lazy
I already see myself falling in love eternally
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be

Being with you
Is a like a scene from a dream in heaven
I feel you running through
All my senses
Will you taste like rain
Can I breathe you like air
Will I lose myself in your arms somewhere

And I know
Love can move a mountain
And I know
It's gonna be even better than I imagined
Putting all my trust in you
Putting all your trust in me
We'll make this dream come true

I can really see us having babies
Walking through the park and being lazy
I already see myself falling in love eternally
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be


www.rubysfire.com

The goosebumps are apparent on my arms
The tingling is in my neck
The butterflies are in my tummy
The frog is in my throat
The air has emptied out of my lungs,
I feel like I can't breathe
I forgot my words
My hairs pulled out
I am down on my knees
My mouth is dry
My palms are wet
My lips are quivering
because you just walked by me

www.rubysfire.com

Memory Runs dry

I think I heard you whisper
I heard it on the wind
You asked me in a piercing tone
How I am and where I've been

I think I hear you calling
Not sure now where it's from
I wonder if I answered
Would you hear me? Would you run?

These words that run around me
The way you say my name
The sound that echoes in my head
The lonliness remains
I wish that I could touch you
I wish you heard my cry
I want to hold you close to me
My memory has run dry

I know I heard your whisper
I hear it now and then
I want to hold it in my heart
and always remember when

The way you used to kiss me
The feeling that I'd get
The way that you would hold me
I never want to forget

I want to hear your laughter
I want to kiss your pain
I want to feel you breathing
lying next to me again

These words that run around me
The way you say my name
The sound that echoes in my head
The lonliness remains
I wish that I could touch you
I wish you heard my cry
I want to hold you close to me
My memory has run dry

I can hear your whisper
Your breath upon my cheek
I feel your arms around me
I feel you loving me


www.rubysfire.com

YOU

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone who is as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all of my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you cannot relate
And you are still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone who is as closed down as I am sometimes

What I resist persists and speaks louder than I know
What I resist you love no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman you have ever known
I am the dullest woman you have ever known
I am the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone who is as everything as I am sometimes


www.rubysfire.com

There is nothing better in the world than waking up in a good mood. Lately that has been the case for me. I am energized and rearing to go. It's funny because I hear of winter depression and I laugh... Now I am starting to think that "winter depression" is what I suffer from. I don't know. Either that or I am completely crazy.

I am however under distress this evening. I am getting so exhausted listening to everyone in my life try to control me. I am frustrated at the idea of actually listening to any of them. In fact, I am actually doing the exact opposite just out of spite and in some cases it isn't the right thing for me to do. I feel as if my feelings and ideas and even my dreams are a laughing stock to all of my loved ones. It is as if when I say what I want and go after it, instead of being there to support me, they all laugh and wait for me to fail. If I succeed or follow through, I am stupid for doing whatever it is that I did. If I fail then it is a whole whirl wind of "I told you so's". I am nauseated by it to be wuite frank. It bothers me and most of all it hurts me. If I fail...then I feel. I learn from my mistakes, get up and brush the dirt off. Why is it that no matter what I do in my life it's always the wrong thing? Why is it anyone's business but my own. I should'nt have to feel as if I owe explanations to anyone. I shouldn't have to feel as if I need to keep my dreams hidden in case someone bashes them. It is so unbelievably stressful to me.

www.rubysfire.com

Why won't you look at me anymore Wacka?

I got this jones forming in my bones, From a man
Who indeed took over my soul, Understand
I couldn't breathe if he ever said he would leave
Get on my knees, until they're bloody red, Baby please
See I don't know if you get it yet, Just don't know
He's like the lighter to my cigarette, Watch me smoke
I never knew another human life, Didn't know
Who had the power to take over mine, so baby

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby
Love it when I heard your name, you've got me saying...
(Baby, I love you)

See I can never feel alone with you in my life
I'll give up everything I own for you, won't think twice
Almost a shame how I'm mesmerised, such a shame
I lose my thought looking in your eyes, I go blind
Because your kisses make my lips quiver, and that's real
And when you touch me my whole body shivers, I can feel
Now I can see how another life
Could the power to take over mine, because you're my
Baby
Love it when I heard your name,you've got me saying...
(Baby, I love you)

You are my baby

www.rubysfire.com

Self Deprivation Ended

you're unsure and you're not ready so that must mean I want you
you're unavailable and disinterested and to you I look for comfort

a million times in a million ways I will try to change you
a million months and a million days I'll try to somehow convince you

I have waited for you and adjusted for you and I'm done
I have deferred to you and enabled you and I'm done

you're too young or you're too old or you're simply not inclined
you're asleep or you're withholding be that my cue to crave you

several times in several ways I'll try to squeeze love from you
several hours and several ways I'll feast on scraps thrown from you

I have bent for you and I've deprived for you and I'm done
I have depressed for you and contorted for you and I'm done
I have stifled for you and I've compromised for you and I'm done
I have silenced for you and sacrificed for you and I'm done

it won't be long before I am reclaimed
it won't take long and I'll be on path again
it won't be easy for us to disengage
I'm at the end of self deprivation stage

you're afraid of every woman afraid of your inner workings
you cringe at the thought of living under the same roof as me god and everything

a million times and a million ways I've tried to alter to match you
several times every several days I've tried to uncrush on you

www.rubysfire.com

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU MY LITTLE PRINCESS . . .I'LL BE OVER LATER WITH GIFTS . FROM HANNY OF COURSE. HOPE YOU HAD A RELAXING NIGHT AFTER THE SHOW

www.rubysfire.com

My Sorry Song

Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away



www.rubysfire.com

Going for a bike ride in a few minutes. . .I am glad to go because I really need to feel the fresh air on my face. I think we are just going to cruise and really have no destination. I slept well last night so I am rearing to go. Hannah is at Paul's tonight and I think I will pick her up early so we can go out to breakfast together or something. I want to have a fun day with her tomorrow. She is the best thing on this planet. I love her so much and I am so glad to be her Mommy.
She rocks.
Ruby

www.rubysfire.com

***ATTENTION PLEASE***

I would like to introduce LAKE BOONE as a link on my site.
They are a Massachusetts Based Band but also go all over the country. They had a song that aired on Dawson's Creek and are INCREDIBLE!!!!!
Go to www.lakeboone.com to see my friend Ed and his band.
Check them out June 5th 2004 at Copperfield's in Boston!!
They will Rock your Asses off!!!!!
See ya in June Babe!!!
Ruby

www.lakeboone.com
www.plaiddaddyband.com
www.bostonbands.com click DOUBLESHOT
www.hypercane.com
www.rubysfire.com

How long can a girl be shackled to you? How long before my dignity is reclaimed? How long can I be fucking tortured by you? Soon I'll grow up and I

won't even Flinch at your name www.rubysfire.com

Can't find the answers
I've been crawling on my knees
Looking for anything
To keep me from drowning
Promises have been turned to lies
Can't even be honest inside
Now I'm running backward
Watching my life wave me goodbye
Running blind
I'm running blind
Somebody help me see I'm running blind
Searching for nothing
Wondering if I'll change
I'm trying everything
But everything still stays the same
I thought if I showed you I could fly
Wouldn't need anyone by my side
Now I'm running backward
With broken wings I know I'll die
Running blind
I'm running blind
Somebody help me see I'm running blind
I can't find the answers
I've been crawling on my knees
Looking for anything
To keep me from drowning
I'm running blind
www.rubysfire.com

mmmmm nothing like getting right to the point

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

www.rubysfire.com