EMAILS

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have not had a chance to read or reply to my emails at Ruby@rubysfire.com OR KatieSSFire@AOL.com. I will get to them first thing in the morning. I have been online strictly for editing my book and also just blogging. I just don't have it in me to read anything right now. My head is spinning. Don't take it personal I am just sick man!!!! So I need to be left alone for a while. I PROMISE I WILL RETURN ALL EMAILS TOMORROW.
Have a Splendid night.
Love,
KAtie

www.rubysfire.com

GOOD NIGHT BABY! SEE YA IN A FEW

www.rubysfire.com

DAYTONA HERE I COME

What a beautiful day it was today. I decided to make a call and go for a long long motorcycle ride today. It was amazing. I just sat on the back of a Harley and spoke not one word, for 4 hours. It was awesome.
I woke up this morning a little nauseas and dizzy. I figured the fresh air would do me good. It did for a little while. But now I am still queazy and dizzy with a full effect head ache. I think I got the flu Elizabeth had a few days ago. I am just feeling yucky.
After my long bike ride today I am finally getting excited for Daytona on Thursday. My bike has been trailed down supposedly (Not that it will be difficult for me to borrow a bike) and I am excited about seeing my Daytona friends. Liz and I are really looking forward to seeing Orange County Choppers and of course my future husband to be Billy Lane. ha ha (Don't I wish). I need this little vacation. I am deservant of one at this point. It is just going to be girls so it should be very very interesting. I hope I am feeling better before Thursday. The feeling I get when I am on the back of a bike is indescribable. It is just an amazing and intense meditation for me. It is going to be a crazy crazy crazy 4 days.... Definitely enough time to do everyhting I need to do. Alot of my buddies are already up there and I can't wait to meet up with them. Thank God a few of them are picking us up at the airport because I hate the cab ride. Plus Zig has my bike supposedly. He better. ha ha. I am getting PUMPED. My shopping is done and I am almost packed.
I cannot wait.
Anyway, I am off to bed. I am so sick right now. I feel as if this fucking flu/cold I have had just will not go away. It just hibernates for awhile and then jumps right back into the swing of things. It is ridiculous. I am fine for a week and then sick for 2 weeks. CHRISTOPHER!!!!
Talk to everyone tomorrow.
Oh. Peter, thanks for the coffee and the conversation this morning.
Good Night and Blessings,
Katie
xo xo
www.rubysfire.com

Bad Katie.. Bad Bad Bad

I've been a bad bad girl
I've been careless
With a delicate man
And it's a sad sad world
When a girl will break a boy
Just because she can
Don't you tell me to deny it
I've done wrong and
I want to Suffer for my sins
I've come to you because I need
Guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin
What I need is a good defense
Because I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds
Before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings
The consequence at hand
But I keep living this day like
The next will never come

Oh help me but
Don't tell me to deny it
I've got to cleanse myself
Of all these lies until
I'm good enough for him
I've got a lot to lose and I'm betting high
So I'm begging you
Before it ends
Just tell me where to begin

What I need
Is a good defense
because I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

Let me know the way
Before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay
The law and let me go
I've got to make a play
To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say
The devil wants to know

What I need
Is a good defense
Because I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

What I need is
A good defense
Because I'm feeling like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love


www.rubysfire.com

FOR YOU

You want to make me sick;
You want to lick my wounds,
Don't you, baby?
You want the badge of honor when you save my hide
But you're the one in the way
Of the day of doom, baby
If you need my shame to reclaim your pride
And when I think of it, my fingers turn to fists
I never did anything to you
But no matter what I try
You'll beat me with your bitter lies
So call me crazy, hold me down
Make me cry; got off now, baby-
It wont be long till you'll be
Lying limp in your own hand
You feed the beast I have within me
You wave the red flag, baby you make it run run run
Standing on the sidelines, waving and grinning
You fondle my trigger, then you blame my gun
And whne I think of it, my fingers turn to fists
I never did anything to you
But no matter what I try
You'll beat me with your bitter lies
So call me crazy, hold me down
Make me cry; get off now, baby-
It wont be long till you'll be
Lying limp in your own hand

www.rubysfire.com

MY MISTAKE

I'm gonna make a mistake
I'm gonna do it on purpose
I'm gonna waste my time
because I'm full as a tick
And I'm scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine
And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling around
All the advice I shunned, and I ran
Where they told me not to run, but I sure
Had fun, so
I'm gonna fuck it up again
I'm gonna do another detour
Unpave my path
And if you wanna make sense
Whatcha looking at me for
I'm no good at math
And when I find my way back,
The fact is I just may stay, or I may not
I've acquired quite a taste
For a wellmade mistake
I wanna mistake why can't I make a mistake?
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why
Do I wanna do right, of course but
Do I really wanna feel I'm forced to
Answer you, hell no
www.rubysfire.com

TOXIC

***BLOGGER BLOCKED FOR AUTHORIZED USERS ONLY***

www.rubysfire.com

TOXIC

To me you are like a skeleton with a cross bone. To me you are not what I need. You are lethal and you're making me terminal. You wreak havoc, you dramatize. You twist my words around in so many loops. Your capsule makes me nauseas and my mind is so very groggy. Your poison makes me weak and makes me itch. I want to scratch you off of me. The allergic reaction I get from you torments me daily and I feel as though I am losing breath. I need a cure for you and your poison. You are toxic to me and I want you dead.

www.rubysfire.com

To My Baby. . . I am sorry

I don't remember feeling like this...
Baby, I love you...
I got this jones forming in my bones from a man
who indeed took over my soul, understand
I couldn't breathe if he ever said he would leave
I'd get on my knees until they are bloody red, baby please
see I don't know if you get it yet, just don't know
He's like the lighter to my cigarette,
watch me smoke, I never knew another human life
can have the power to take over mine,
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby I love you
baby,baby baby,baby,
I love it when I hear your name, you got me saying baby, baby, baby,
baby, baby, baby I love you
See, I could never feel alone with you in my life
I would give up everything I own for you ,won't think twice,
almost a shame how I'm mesmerized, such a shame
I lose my thought looking in your eyes, I know why
because your kisses make my lips quiver and that's real
and when you touch me my whole body shivers. I can feel now
I can see how another life
could have the power to take over mine
because you're my baby
Baby, I can't see my worth
living here on God's green earth,
you don't know what you've done to me,
I never thought I'd need you desperately,
it's kind of sick how I'm stuck on you
but I don't care cause I'm needing you
and how I feel will remain the same
cause you're my baby
listen
and when the world starts to stress me out,
where I run, it's to you boy without a doubt
you're the one who keeps me sane and I can't complain
you're like a drug you relieve my pain it may seem strange
you're like the blood flowing through my vains
keeps me alive and feeding my brain,
now this is how another human life
could have the power to take over mine
because you're my baby
-Ruby-www.rubysfire.com

I WANT SO BADLY TO LOVE AGAIN . . .

My brain is in overdrive and I feel as though it is malfunctioning. My head is spinning. My mind is racing and my heart is torn to shreds. I feel as though I have been pushed in front of a moving train and left for dead. My emotions are running ragged and my tears will not cease. My lifeless heart is beating but barely.
My life changed last night. I became the very person I swore I would never be. My actions are full of fault and just plain irresponsible. I regret ever waking up yesterday. I wish I was still in bed, sleeping soundly, dreaming. Dreaming of a better place where noone can ever be hurt. A destination where everyone is complete and happy. The roads are always smooth and there are never any bumps. I close my eyes while typing this and try to envision it in my mind. Nothing happened though. I want to fly. So far and so high, away from here. I want this ache to go away. I want to start at the very beginning but I want to know then what I know now. I want to make different decisions and try harder to succeed.
When will I truly feel loved? When will my heart allow love inside again? Why is it so hard for me to accept and handle? Don't I deserve the chance to truly be loved? Isn't it about time that I am happy?
It feels as though I am dead inside. All too many people have stated the same. I don't really have an explanation. I have not a clue why I am so cold. I can only promise that I am working hard to figure this all out. It is such a painful walk down memory lane. It has the feeling of a sharp knife stabbed into my heart. It makes me cry and it makes me angry. I only hope that this walk is over soon and that I find exactly what it is I am searching for to make me happy. All I want to do is hear the words "I Love you, Katie" and truly believe and feel it. I want to feel extraordinarily happy and full of joy. I would pass up diamonds, pearls, platinum and mansions for that one feeling.
I want to love again. I really, truly yearn for this.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


To Jay and Wacka . . . I am sorry for what I subjected you both to last night. Can you ever forgive my sharp tongue? Thank you for tucking me in and making sure I was safe. It means everything in the world to me.
www.rubysfire.com

Tickets are sold out apparently for the Bruins tonight Thanks to my pal Sully and the rest of GODSMACK. Aww yeahhh what a Rocking night this should be especially since this is going to be a new taste of Godsmack for all present. I am not sure how familiar all of you are with My Favorite Band of all time GODSMACK. ::GODSMACK:: is one of the most energy driven, talented and diverse band I have ever had the pleasure of being somewhat a part of. I am pleased to say that Godsmack takes Listeners To the Other Side on their upcoming album.
Republic/Universal Records has announced a March 16 release for THE OTHER SIDE, the highly anticipated first-ever acoustic CD from my man Sully & the crew. Produced by vocalist Sully Erna and mixed by David Bottrill (who produced the band's 2003 chart-topping, platinum-selling album FACELESS by the way), the record features acoustic renditions of Godsmack hits and three brand-new tracks.
Ethereal and soaked in beautiful bittersweet melodies, THE OTHER SIDE reveals that Godsmack's intensity has little to do with amp settings. Unplugged, the quartet (rounded out by guitarist Tony Rombola, bassist Robbie Merrill and drummer Shannon Larkin) showcase a melodic range and depth that broadens with each listen, as evidenced by the stunning stripped-down versions of my #1's such as "Serenity" and "Voodoo." "We've always wanted to make a record like this," says Erna. "It gives us a chance to spread our wings a little bit and offer the fans something different. I think they'll be pleasantly surprised by it."
Among the album's new tracks is "Touch? co-written by Erna and Dropbox vocalist John Kosco and guitarist Lee Richards. (Godsmack fans will recognize Richards as the band's original guitarist. Dropbox is Erna's first signing to his new imprint Realign Records and their debut album is due in April).
As an added bonus, one copy of THE OTHER SIDE will contain a golden ticket granting some lucky fan the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to host an acoustic Godsmack performance in his or her living room. "In other words," laughs Erna, "there goes the neighborhood." Godsmack, who just wrapped up a barnstorming tour of Europe with Metallica and are currently gearing up for the U.S. leg, recently received a Grammy nod in the Best Hard Rock Performance category for their first FACELESS single, "Straight Out Of Line." The nomination is Godsmack's fourth since the release of their quadruple-platinum-selling debut in 1998.
Sully said I had to give up the ticket if I found it. WTF??? How is that fair.
See all you fans tonight I am sure.
Have a lovely day!!!
Ruby

www.rubysfire.com

XOXO

GOODNIGHT EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU.
I WILL FILL EVERYONE IN ON THE EVENTS OF THE WEEKEND IN THE MORNING.
BE SAFE AND TAKE CARE OF YOU.

www.rubysfire.com

HMMMMMMMM.....THE FAMILIARITY

If I could help the way I feel inside
Then I could say those words to you
Now I don't mean to be unjustified
But I'm scared of losing you

You didn't think that I could change
I proved you wrong and walked away
Only I control the way that I reply
Words are only promises
That can't be kept when I make them
I only wish that I was someone else to you

I have seen the way you look at me
And I'm taken by your voice
But something pulls at me from far away
Like a noose I tied for you
Now nothing seems to be the way we want
And I'm tired of playing games
So if I drift away from what we had
It's all unjustified

I've taken away everything
I could never seem to be


www.rubysfire.com

WHO'S BETTER THAN EZRA???? NOT MANY

Past the road to your house
That you never called home
Where they turned out your lights
Though they say you'll never know

I remember running through the wet grass
And falling a step behind
Both of us never tiring
Desperately wanting

When they pumped out your guts
And filled you full of those pills
You were never quite right
Deserving all the chills
They say the worst is over
Kicked it over again
Then they ask what went wrong
When they turn you on again
They turn you on again.

I remember running through the wet grass
And falling a step behind
Both of us never tiring
Desperately wanting

Kick them right in the face
Make them wish they weren't born
And if they bring up your name
Well they'll say you won the war.
Baby burst in the world
Never given a chance
Then they ask what went wrong
When you never had it right

I remember running through the wet grass
And falling a step behind
Both of us never tiring
Desperately wanting

Oh the letters I've dropped off
Though they say you got them all
I finally figured out some things you'll never know.
Take back your life and let me inside
We'll find the door if you care to anymore.

I remember running through the wet grass
And falling a step behind
Both of us never tiring
Desperately Wanting.


www.rubysfire.com

You know who this is for . . . . . . . . . . .

You're my distanced destination of choice
I'd give anything just to hear your voice
I couldn't pass you on the street
Without saying a word
Most times I missed the voice
That goes unheard

What if I missed you
You got caught in the sun
What if I did something
Never to be enough

People everywhere how could I be sure
Is it you that I have been looking for
What would it take for me to be comfortable
With you, with me you're the chosen one

What if I missed you
You got caught in the sun
What if I did something
Never to be enough

You are there for me this I hope and pray
You will wait for me, I wont be too late

What if I missed you
You got caught in the sun
What if I did something
Never to be enough

Will you wait for me
Or will I be too late this time
You are there for me this I hope and pray

C.O.N. @-3-2002
www.rubysfire.com

SULLY HAS FINALLY RETURNED MY CALLS.
I have 2 tickets to the BRUINS on Monday night and I am siked!!! Not because of the Bruins but . . .(Drum Roll please) . . . Sully is performing accoustical immediately after the game!!! Woo Hoo! I am so freaking excited. I have actually never been to a Bruins game and I am curious to see one. Liz and I are going which means I am definitely going to have fun either way. She has never met Sully in person so I am siked to be able to finally introduce the two. I am absolutely siked!!!!!!
I am speechless today actually. What am I going to wear? Something warm I know that.
Talk to everyone soon.



www.rubysfire.com

Ode to DROWNING POOL

I just got off of the phone with my Good friend Zig who just so happened to have purchase a brand new custom Bourgette Chopper yesterday. He is like a kid in a candy store right now. He's Like "Katie, I cannot sleep. I keep looking outside every hour to see if the truck is here yet." He is a fruit cake. Not that he doesnt have the money but I need a bike. haahha I want a chopper. The Sportster just is not cutting it. I am such a spoiled brat I know I know. Anyway. Me and my friend Eddie were talking music gab and I really love Drowning Pool. Have you guys heard Tear Away???
LOVE THAT SONG. This is another song that reminds me of me. ahahahha Seriously. Some of the words hit really close to home as I am sure it may for alot of people. But this is my blog and not alot of people's. So I can say it is about me. Oh and Zig . . This one is for you because I think you actually wrote the song......... Or thought it at the same time. Whatever the case . . .. .
Here are the lyrics to Tear away by Droening Pool. This song Rocks ASS

"Tear Away"

I'm tearing away
Pieces are falling I can't seem to make them stay
You run away
Faster and faster you can't seem to get away
Break
Hope there's a reason
For questions unanswered I just don't see everything
Yes I'm inside you
Tell me how does it feel to feel like shit
Just like I do
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
Do I really want this
Sometimes I scare myself I just can't let it go
Can you believe it
Everything happens for reasons I just don't know
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone or anything but me
Damn I love me
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone or anything
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone

www.rubysfire.com

FREECHILD

There is not one single song on this planet that moves me as this one. I still to this day get excited when I hear it randomly played somewhere. I had the CD some time ago but I misplaced it sadly. I shiver when I hear it. It was sung to me a long time ago when I was in Laconia. This Random guy grabbed me out of the audience of biker babes and sat me on the stage. He handed me a Daisy and sang the entire song to me. He was an older and much wiser man(little did I know then) and he said to me as he hugged me and helped me to the ground "Stay away from those people, you have this aura of light that shines around you and you are better than that". And of course I just took the bottle of Tequila I was nursing and threw it down my neck and walked away with a shoulder shrug. I am definitely an idiot sometimes. The song is called Free child. Oh and the guy who sang it to me was the lead singer of Must. YEAAAHH Sometimes I even wonder if I am blonde ok??? Give me a break.


Embellish mine wayward soul
Blast it with your vicious beauty
I know I’ve been perverted like a man
Who has not shagged in years

Mama loves me yes she does
But she’s a thief
She done her best she didn’t know
They got her too
Now I know you’re coming home to me
Freechild baby be
Lucid and in harmony
A wildflower pretty

And speaking in tongues she casts her spell
Tequila still wet on her lips
I’m quantum flung into a place
I’ve always needed to be

An angel of the darkest night
Has sung to me
And though my heart is breaking
My wounds cease to bleed

Yeah we ride the golden skyway
Now spread those wings
Into the heart of a mad and impassioned sun run

Through all the days and all the years
Right there you’ll be
In shining braided glory you were made
made for me

I know you’re coming home to me



www.rubysfire.com

I will sing this song for you

It's all I want
It's all I needed
now it's through
It all comes back to you
The only one
The one I needed, I abuse
More color for the bruise
So I sing this song for you
There's nothing left for me to do
Good-bye
Venus I thought you'd bless me too
So selfish to presume
So I sing this song for you
And I hope that what is true
Will find a way to you
I sing this song for you
Venus never showed the way
The stars would not be sold
Heaven stole the light of day
And we were never told
So dark the day...
So much for life, for life and love
And now it's done
The color always changes hue
Bright to black and blue
So I sing this song for you
There's nothing left for me to do
www.rubysfire.com

Seven sins of wantingness and
everything that's good is gone
Sell it all for glory from the peers
Silicone priestess scratch the back and
twists the knife to the bone
Kick against the pricks and scrape the shins
I'm the enemy in the enemies now
Swallowed the pill
Drank to the fill
All these things I carry now
In this bittersweet, in this bittersweet now
Try to hold the world there sinking,
swimming in a paper cup
Try to own the one beneath the skin
Held up to the flame 'till singeing
skin begins to draw and tuck
Never told there's a chance to win
What couldn't be, wouldn't be now
Hold your hands up to the sky and try
so hard to rise above
But everything is beating down
www.rubysfire.com

Days with you

Rain falls down like your alibi
Thought you held the stars in the sky
Until I found your love Was a lie
And I lost the life
And the days with you, my love
All your lines I cannot erase
Pull your fingers from around my brain
But you put this hate In my eyes
But I love the scars
From the days with you, my love

www.rubysfire.com

CAPE COD, DAYTONA, What a life I have huh?? 14 days and counting

I had a long talk with my friend Eddie B last night. I think we talked for like 128 minutes or something. We talked about EVERYTHING. It's funny because I woke up this morning and I felt alot better. He was always concerned about coming to meet me out because of my Outlaw Boyfriend ans bla bla bla and he voiced it to me last night. We talked at lengths about the choices I have made in the past few years and he had alot of interesting analagies and alot of great advice and I love him for that. He is such a good person and I am grateful that we continue to stay friends even after all of our bitch sessions and fights. (HE can't stay away from me for too long without KAtie withdrawals) hahahah ANYHOW . . . I feel good today.
Tony sent me an email last night and I thought long and hard about it. I nam still a little concerned that he is way too insecure to handle me but I love him and I want to see what happens. I am not one to take insecurities well. I am a strong personality type. 94% of my friends are male and I don't want any problems with that. I know he doesnt think anything will happen but deep down he feels something. Any way, I am going to the cape tonight with Hannah and a few friends and their kids. We go every year. It is an in the ground pool with this pirate ship and tons of water slides. It's in the hotel we stay at. It rocks and the kids never talk to us until it's time for bed. NICE HUH?? Yup, that's right folks, I am doing the motherly thing tonight. I guess we are coming home Saturday so I am excited. IT really is relaxing. I get my nails done and my pedicure and then sit in the jacuzzi with a book. Ahhhhhh So nice. I am excited.
Anyway, I am meeting the brothers in the office today. Uh Oh gotta be there at noon. I am helping the two computer illiterate wackadoos install and tutor them on the new construction accounting software they just purchased. They need to know exactly how to use it before the 1st of MArch because that is Daytona Bike Week and they wont be there to deal with the money. Which makes me wonder hmmmm who is going to be there. NOT ME . . . I am going to Daytona too. March 4-7 2004. Ahhhhh Sunny Florida and all of those choppers and bikes and all of the fun fun fun in the sun sun sun. What can be better than that really?? And this is the first time that I am going with just the girls and no Biker babysitters. Thank Goodness. I am sure I will see them up there. Ziggy is trailing the sporty down for me and I am siked about that. I cannot wait to see them as I am pulling up on my bike with "Independent" bikers and chics. ahahah It is going to be such a good feeling. I am so excited for 2 weeks from today woo hoo.
No boys... All girlies wild, crazy and having a blast.
Oh shit which reminds me. I need to get my leather pants and tank out of the cleaners soon.
And can you say shopping spree???? Well I need summery clothes for Daytona.
Alright Zig is gonna kill me if I do not get there by noon.
So Adios Amigos.
Katie

www.rubysfire.com

HE IS GAY!!! I NEVER EVEN HAD SEX WITH HIM. I JUST LOVED HIM AND WANTED MORE.. WHAT CAN I SAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER? I AM SO EXHAUSTED

www.rubysfire.com

www.rubysfire.com

www.rubysfire.com

When you refuse me
You confuse me
What makes you think I'll let you in again
Think again my friend
Go on misuse me and abuse me
I'll come out stronger in the end

And does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
And does it make you mad
To find that I have grown
I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown

When you answer the door, pick up the phone
You wont find me cause I'm not coming home

You do not know how much this hurts me
To say these things that I don't want to say
But have to say them anyway
I would do anything to end your suffering
But you would rather walk away

Does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
And does it make you mad
To find that I have grown
I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown

When you answer the door, pick up the phone
You wont find me cause I'm not coming home

Does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
Does it make you mad
To see that I have grown
I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown


www.rubysfire.com

I am still cracking up at my drunken blog from last night. Jesus Christopher, I am unbelievable. WACKA,,,, ha ha ha I haven't spoken that name in a long time. It feels good too because he is such an awesome man.
At any rate I am a drunk and I need to stop. . . . . DRINKING. My emotions get the best of me and most of the time it is false emotions. Do you know what I mean? And WHO THE HELL WAS BANGING ON MY DOOR LAST NIGHT AT 3?????? Whatever . . . I was so drunk and tired last night that at 4:30 am I finally fell asleep on my living room floor while I was attempting to watch Freddy VS Jason for the sseventh time. Am I alright you might be asking? I am going to go with NO.
So it is yucky out today. Slippery, Snowy and cold and does everyone want to know what Katie Bear is wearing??? YEAHHHH I have on my Old Navy Cargo Hearts Capri's on with my brown Prada Tank top and my Tommy black zip up and my Jimmy Choo flip flops. (The only pair of shoes from Jimmy Choo I can afford) ha ha. YEAAH SMOKING BABY... Simply stunning today. I didnt look out the window before spinning through my closet. Not to mention the beer bloat and rocking headache I have. And who the hell invited Ruby's Fire Dick head for life back here? Don't let me find out who you are because I will hunt you down and personally scratch your eyeballs out with my fingernails. I hate him, despise him, he sickens me and he is a major DRUG ADDICT. Once a drug addict always one in my eyes. He is a thief, a liar and just an ass hole. STAY AWAY BITCH... hissssssss Go bend over in jail for me will ya? That's where you belong and that's where you will end up soon anyway you big freak loser!!!!


www.rubysfire.com

SHUT UP ROB AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.... Son't you see that you are the Dick head of the month??? For like a YEAR NOW. I hate you and want no part of you in my life. I don't care if you are rehabilitated. You are a psycho now stay the fuck away from me or I will sick my boys on you Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

www.rubysfire.com

I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE SECONDI SAW YOU TONIGHT TOO IT WAS AT THE MIRACLE EAST. YO WERE SINGINGWITH PLAID DADDY AND BARTENDING. YOU HAD ON THIS "FUCK ME" TANK TOP ON AND YOUR BREASTS WERE SO BEWUTIFUL. THE PANTS YOU WERE WEARING WERE LIKE CAPRIS I THINK.. WAIT NOO THEY WERE LEATHER PANTS. YOU HAD ON BLACK CAPRIS THE NEXT NIGHT. YOU HAD THIS LOND RED CURLY HAIR WITH THE BRIGHTEST BLUE EYES. YOUR LIPS REMINDE ME OF M M M M M M I DONT KNOW WHAT BUT JEEEZUS THEY WERE SUPPLE. YOUR SMILE LIT THE ENTIRE ROOM UP WHEN IT SMILED AND THAT GIGGLE... EVERYONE KNOWS THE CUTE LITTLE GIGGLE. I REMEMBER WHEN I ASKED YOU OUT AND YOU LAUGHED AT ME AND SAID "SORRY HANDSOME, I DO NOT MINGLE WITH MY CUSTOMERS" AND I SAID I WOULD NEVER COME BACK THEN AND YOU JUST LAUGHED AGAIN AND THAT ONE DIMPLE YOU HAVE SHOWED AND I JUST SMIRKED AND KNEW I WOULD HAVE YOU SOMEHOW. WELL I NEVER DID GET YOU IN THE SACK OR EVEN JUST AS A GIRLFRINED YOU FUCKING PRUDE BUT I DID INDEED GET THE BEST THING EVER FROM YOU.L I GOT YOUR FRIENDSHIP. YOU ARE MY BESTEST BESTEST OF THE BESTEST FRIENDS I HAVE EVER HAD. EVEN THOUGH I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO ROCK YOUR LITTLE FIERY IRISH ASS OFF . . . . . (just kidding) I AM SATISFIED WITH THE RELATIONSHIP I HAD TO SETTLE FOR... HA HA YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU AND I AM HAPPY THAT I HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE. I AM GLAD I RAN INTO YOU TONIGHT. I HAVENT BEEN ON THE SITE FOR LIKE A YEAR BUT JUST REMEMBER WHO YOUR DADDY IS BABY. HAHAHAH WEED WACKER IS BACK IN TOWN HUH> ?> wELL APARENTLY HE HAS NEVER LEFT COO COO BEAR. YOU ARE ONE CRAZY BITCH. IT IS ABOUT TIME YOU GOT SOME PRO HELP.
Posted By: Rob Kelley ~Straight outta the Penn

Have I ever mentioned anything about Wacka in my blogs? I don't think I have. {{{SIGH}}} . . . . Wacka. How do I explain this man. His name is Paul and I will leave his last name for imagination and of course for confidentiality reasons. Let's see.... Where do I begin?? Wacka is a nick name that I call him. It is a relation to his last name. Actually Weed Wacker is a definite relation but I prefer Wacka or "Baby". That is what I refer to him as. At any rate . . .ha ha ha I cannot even believe my night. Let me start from the beginning... Well actually let me start from the VERY VERY beginning.
I was in Home Depot about a year and a 1/2 ago. I was picking out paint for my living room in Rockland. I must have looked at the same swatches for about 45 minutes. I was frustrated and undecisive. I kept feeling eyes on me. Do you know that feeling. I kept turning to see but there was nothing. Finally the last time I turned, it was him. My baby, but I did not now him yet of course. He walked slowly, confident and masculine, over to me. He said "Hey, how are you? How do I know you? Your face is so familiar to me?" And I said "I Don't know. I have a twin sister" He replied with "No. It is you. I remember those eyes and lips." I was blushing and my heart was pitter pattering. I will never forget this as long as I live actually. We talked in the paint aisle for a good 20 minutes and he finally pointed to a color (Terracotta Sunrise) and said "That is the color you want". I laughed at him and we said our good byes and he left. I bought that color and my living room is painted that same color even in my Whitman house. Anyway. A few weeks went by and we never exchanged numbers or anything. Liz and a few other friends and I were out on a random night for no apparent reason. I was in my sweats. I had no make up on really and my hair was whipped up in a clip. We were at KAm's Garden and we were just gettiing ready to fly when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw his face and knew and so did the butterflies in my belly. It was so weird. His smile lit the room up and he said "Hey Girl, Do you remember me?" I said "Of course I do, Paul from Home Depot". He smiled and then asked where I was going. I told him I was going home and he insisted I stay awhile and talk to him. One thing led to another and I ended up driving him home. We sat out in front of his house for an hour and a half that night just talkiing and talking and nothing else. HE kissed me softly on the lips and then kissed my nose (LOVE THAT) and said Good night. We exchanged numbers and he went inside. I literally drove home with butterflies flopping all around. At any rate, Wacka and I had an understanding. Me, not wanting a commited relationship because of fear and him not wanting one because of him being recently divorced. We both agreed that we were attracted, compatible and cared for eachother but we knew that we both had our own lives and did what we wanted. Anyway.. to make a very large 2 years of a long story short, we continued to have our little meetings. We always had eachother at night to cuddle with or whatever with. The way he held me and touched me is beyond explanation. He touched me the way that I have begged to be touched for years. He held me the exact way he was supposed to. He dried my face when I cried to him late at night. He held my hair and rubbed my back after a late night of partying. He watched me sleep and kissed my cheek when he thought I didn't know. He tickled my cheek until I fell asleep and was there to kiss my eyes when I woke up. He would wake me up when he had to get up for work just for a loast feel or for a long kiss and embrace. His eyes were always focused on mine and he never flinched for a minute. Our silent glances and our "silent" conversations were heard loud and clear. We knew how we felt for eachother. We knew that this was something more than what we planned on. We just never ever said it aloud. When he thought I was asleep and I really was trying to but couldnt, the things he did to me used to bring a happy tear to my eye. The way he looked at me as I walked in a room or jumped into his bed is just extrordinary. When we didnt see eachother for a week or two, it was even more passionate and intimate. His familiar words "Hey Girl, HOw you doin?, I've missed you." I would jump into his arms and say "I missed you too Baby" and he would reply with "You're funny". I love his lingo and his lines. I love his scent and his touch. I used to lie down in my bed after being with him all night and remember smelling his Obsession for Men all over me and wishing he was home from work already, creeping into my bed still smelling of work and just holding me, telling me all about his day at work.
I went to the mall with Liz and of course spent an arm and a leg but then we decided to swing by Squires for some apps. We ran into a few guys who bought us some drinks . . .no big deal. This guy sees the sweatshirt I am wearing. IT is a Teamsters Local 25 sweatshirt. (WACKA'S OF COURSE). HE says what does your boyfriend work in 25? I said Now I wouldn't call him my boyfriend. I said a good friend of mine works in 25. He was like "yeah? who?" I said Paul's name and they were like OH I LOVE THAT GUY, he is so funny. we work with him bla bla bla. So of course I dial him up right away and he answers the phone exactly like this "Hey Girl, How u doin?" I wass like BABY Where r u???? And he told me and then I tell him about these guys. The phone gets passed all around and then finally i got it back and heard "You're funny girl". I was so happy to hear from him. Just so happy. I filled him in on my latest drama. He told me to meet up with him this week when he gets back and that he has something for me. I told him it was a promise and I would see him later. . . . . . . . . . .
At any rate, there is my door right now. I have to fly.
Have a lovely night.
I love you all
Katie



www.rubysfire.com

Carlino

ahahahhahahaha Peter Peter Peter
YOU HAVE THE WISDOM AND I HAVE THE DRAMA . . . . Straight out of your mouth. I am grateful for your knack of good advice.
Glad I met you and see ya at dinner.


www.rubysfire.com

PHASE #3 - Peter is on a roll. I don't AGREE though on this one

Great sex does not mean a great relationship and will do nothing to give you a great relationship, however a great relationship can lead to great sex! Not trying to tute my own horn but I think their are very few people on the face of this planet that I would not be sexual compatable with and only for the reason that great sex is based on what you bring into the bedroom with you and I don't mean physical. The key to great sex revolves around the ability to motivate someones inhibitions and put them at ease with themselves so they are free to do what they want to do! Sex has nothing to do with love, affection or anything else you want to call it. It is physical in every sense of the word and unfortunately this is were people get confused. How many people do you now consider their relationship great because of the sex but eventually it turns to shit!.........and why is that........glad you asked.......its because it takes the relationship to a whole different level. Its called responsibilty! People have a habbit of looking to loosely at what a committment actually is and until (this is where the important part comes in so pay attention!) as human walking this earth, you have identified yourself as an individual and actually comprehend that individual , you are not ready to indulge with another human on an emotional level. Its too easy to walk away from things today and everybody knows that and that plays a big role in why people have screwed up relationships. Love has never been a result of any sexual relationship I have ever had and with good reason! Its not what I was looking for in those relationships! If your involved with someone that does'nt understand his/her position in their relationship then they don't understand themselves. People are always ponning off their shortcomings, or hard luck or whatever the hell you want to call it on other people, but it all starts with the person you see everyday in the mirror. The whole point of my fairytale story was that I was a no one, roaming this earth as does everyone else without knowing who I was. I was in a very similar situation as him. I thought I was in love but in retrospect I really was'nt. ( not that I trying to take away from your captivating effect on men) I wanted to be in love and I tried to do it with princess........totally different scenarios..........You have a choice to make and here go the options. 1. you can bite the bullet and give into what he wants.......I need to comment on this......he needs to get a grip..lol....I'm not knocking the guy but it seems like he's seeking happiness through you....but also this would have already been if it was meant to be! 2. Ditch him.....the poor bastard is torturing himself! Why oh why do men do this! You cannot force natures course, take your efforts towards improving yourself. 3. Right now you are not ready, from what you tell me, to advance into a committed relationship and that in itself should be a tell tale sign for him to just let it go. You will know when its their and it won't have to be something you think about either. I'm a big player on fate when it comes to relationships, thats why I think their not jobs. Fate comes in small windows, but its not intended for you to reshuffle your entire life at the drop of dime....understand where I'm coming from. Find out who Katie is ( shes the one who wants me!..hahaha) then worry about everyone else. Are you aggitated because he's on a different level or because you wish you were on his level?

P.S. I'm married, sober and I own my own company. Nothing scares me! and I think we ahhh forget it. JUST KIDDING!!!!!
----- Original Message

www.rubysfire.com

Ever wonder why the life that was given to you, well was given to you?
I have been on a mental breakdown war path which has started yesterday and still has not ended. I feel like someone has suffocated me and I am literally short of breath today. Thank Goddess it is Tuesday. Therapy night. I love going there now. I can speak openly to him as if he was a close girlfriend. He has my favorite wine there. I pour myself a glass and I plop myself down in his oversized chair with the rather large pillows and ottaman. I literally relax as soon as I enter his office. It reminds me of Brian's man town a little bit. It has the leather chairs, the t.v., the couches, and the sports memorabilia.... It is very comforting. There is no attraction by any means to my therapist. He is in his late 30's maybe early 40's. He is handsome but you know me. I like the Burly man. The football, burger eating, beer drinking, maybe harley riding, bring me to a football game instead of dinner in town kind of girl. I like the tattoos on the neck and the bald heads. I prefer the sharing the couch with a remote control control freak, but happily sitting there knowing he is with me. Sports Center . . .Bring it on!!!! Call me a freak. See if I care.
Anyway, I am anxious to go there tonight. I need his advice. He always gives great advice. He already told me last week that I am moving too fast again. Wait until he hears the new shit. My other therapist whom I don't pay 85.00 an hour for, Peter, is wonderful also. He is one of my customers and I always give him advice to him about his wife. I always give him gift ideas which always go over well with her. I know what girls like baby!!! We were talking yesterday and he could tell by my tone that something was up. He asked and I vented. He gave me some incredible advice and some I agree with and others I disagree with. But at any rate I appreciate his concern. He is a funny bastard and he means well but he cracks me right up. (See Phase 1 & 2 below)
I cannot wait to go to see Dr. Phil (I call him that). His smile warms me and makes me feel comfortable. I throw my sweats on and drive the short way to his in-house office. He never cares what I say. Nothing amazes him. I like to try to stun him. He supposedly has finished "Ruby's Fire" and I am so interested to see what he thinks. He liked it so far but did not get that far. The book is long, I do admit. Sully read it and he said he had to keep putting it down to stop him from punching a hole in the wall. He read it in full and he could only say WOW.
He wants the first copy. hahah Signed in my blood. HE is such a cracker.

As I am sitting here sulking, listening to Norah Jones and Maroon Five, I ask again..... Did you ever wonder why we are living the lives we are living? I do every minute of every day. I want a different life. I deserve something better than this. I am so exhausted of struggling paycheck to paycheck, rent, mortgage, car payments, school loans, bla bla bla bla bla. bitch bitch bitch. I just want to be worry free. How can I get to that point in my life without working 3 jobs?????????
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
RUBY
www.rubysfire.com

PHASE 2 - Same Client's input (2nd Phase) (HIS ADVISE IS FUNNY BUT DAMN IT... HE IS RIGHT ON THE MONEY WITH SOME THINGS!!!! THANKS PETE C

Once upon a time their was this ruggedly handsome and sexy prince. Who thought he was in love with a beautiful princess. They too were together for a long time and had decided to get married so they could do what seemed like the normal thing to do when two people think they are in love. Well things had'nt felt right for a long time and the relationship was far from smooth. But why waste the time they had already invested in one another. They had managed to work things out for this long so what the hell. BULLSHIT! ........( I'm having flashbacks) So one day the prince woke up and thought to himself, this can't happen and decided to talk to the princess about it. It turned out the princess was feeling the same apprehension the prince was and they decided that it would be best not to continue thier relationship. The prince was crushed at his own decision but could not put his finger on why! Well as time went by he learned to deal with his heartbreak and discovered new revelations about himself and the world around him. He moved own and became a better person from his grief and took on a whole different perspective with progressing in life. He decided that self awareness and developing a new approach to everyday life would be a priority and until he felt he had conquered his personal quest he would not burden someone else with that task to help discover him as an individual. The prince today is the daylight of yesteryears darkness. He is an individual who is aware of he who he is and can stand alone in the face of adversity. The princess meanwhile had the opposite affect. She started to regress and eventually settled in an act of almost desperation to seek happiness through the eyes of another. The prince and princess to this day are still friendly chatters but to some degree the prince senses regret from the princess only as a result of her circumstances. Time is a great teacher and healer. The ones that understand that and learn to conquer lifes obstacles are the ones that will truly succeed.
I got way to much time on my hands!........Hows that for a sappy philosophical story. Though it may be true , she was a milestone in my life and I would guarentee that I would not be who I am without her. At the time I thought she made me happy, and she thought she would be happier alone. Well at first things did seem that way but eventually it turned out to be the complete opposite. I was a complete freakin mess when we were through. I guess the bottom line is neither of us knew who we were and trying to discover that through each other........well we know what the outcome was. Her and I actually talked about this before I got married and it was great. I don't even think this is a case of learning from your mistakes........it is hard to call it a mistake when you don't even know who you are or what you want! I think we catagorized it as a learning experience! She's a sweet girl and unfortunately still a little off track with who she is. She so wants to have the perfect family and unfortunately she has only obtained half of that. She has the kid but has'nt bagged the man. ( and the kid was planned ).
Coincidently I developed a mostly sexual relationship with another woman after this one. We were friends prior to are escapades and still are to this day, but let me give ya a piece of advice.........you can't transform that type of relationship into anything else for the simple reason that it is much easier to be sexually compatable with someone than it is to be compatable in love and quite frankly you two have been at for long enough and it has'nt happened yet! Relationships do not need to ferment like a wine to be good!
But get as many free dinners and widdle his tool down until it does'nt work anymore!

O.K. its 7:00 am now..........philosphy 101 has ended. By the way what is this shit about, and still no pictures! 25% of me wishes I was single ( of course that is the part my penis is in). Dimensia is setting in. We'll chat later.

C_YA

www.rubysfire.com

Phase 1 -One of my client's input (JUST AN OPINION)

Man that was depressing! ......(just Kidding) you think having the same booty call for 2 years is sad, try almost six! You want insight on what type of person you are........here it goes ( from what you have told me now) Your Jerry Seinfeld. You always have a way of finding fault with a relationship, that will either cease its progression or end it all together. So what do you do............glad you asked! Nothing! men are dickless.......most are too stupid to be able to tell the first thing about their current dating situation. The bottom line is that your afraid........honestly............fear is probably the most motivating emotion people experience whether positive or negative. Put your balls out on the plate (figuratively speaking) and you experience things from another whole side. But I am also going to clue you in on a another well kept secret....shhhhhhh don't tell anyone..... you can't make relationships work........sorry but it's not a job!.......parenting is a job! Its either there or it is'nt. Its kinda like saying that some day with alot of practice you'll be a good brain surgeon........how's that for perspective........after a few mishaps you might get it right.....ya okay. and what do ya mean your not a hooker!.........i was saving up for some festivities! Do you honestly think that I am expecting you to have sex with me? (not that there's anything wrong with that). Remember, i've driven the beaten path. My I.Q. is above 27 and just because I'm horney does'nt mean that reality goes out the window. Not that I would mind being your stunt dick!
My weekend was uneventfull and where are my freakin pictures from the weekend. Instead of roses I thought I give you a check instead!
Remember one thing, You are a good, honest and decent woman. Don't let anyone tell you different. Oh! And yes you are normal for having these feelings. Relationships are tough!!
Talk to ya soon or see ya this week at some point
C-YA P C

www.rubysfire.com

BLOG BLOCKED FOR AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY

www.rubysfire.com

I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR BITCH!

Why Women are Crabby:

We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily
kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment
arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with
our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10 good push)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking
little poop machines. The teen years. Need I say more?
The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of
all womanhood. It's either take the HR. and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men
get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in
the woods without soaking their socks...
Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

As you can see We all need to start posting our names with our blogs.
This will make my life alot easier. I just can't deal with the drama anymore.
Thank you for your cooperation. This goes only for this PARTICUlaR BLOG. The other ones I host are free for anonymity.
Katie, Ruby, K
www.rubysfire.com

MY FAVORITE - Posted by ME

Where you are, that's where I wanna be
And through your eyes, all the things I wanna see
And in *** BLOGGER BLOCKED***
Are you trying to make my olife difficult?????????????
JEEEEZZZZZZZ

THANKS EDDIE FOR MY NEW FAVORITE...........

I Hate Everything About You

Every time we lie awake;
After every hit we take.

Every feeling that I get;
But I haven't missed you yet.

Every room mate kept awake;
by every sigh and scream we make

All the feelings that I get;
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it.

I hate everything about you, why do I, love you?
I hate everything about you, why do I, love you?

Every time we lie awake;
After every hit we take.

Every feeling that I get;
but I haven't missed you yet.

Only when I stop to think about it.

I hate everything about you, why do I, love you?
I hate everything about you, why do I, love you?

Only when I stop to think about you I know.
Only when you start to think about me, do you know...

I hate everything about, why do I, love you?
You hate everything about me, why do you love me?

I hate, you hate, I hate, you love me.

I hate everything about you, why do I, love you?


www.rubysfire.com

OH BOY..... THE STRESS

YOU GUYS ARE ALL MAKING ME GET IN TROUBLE.... PEOPLE ARE VERY INSECURE AROUND ME AND ARE THINKING THAT I, KATIE, is posting this crap. AHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO SCRREAMMMMMMM RIGHT NOW!! WOW...... NO MORE LINKS TO RUBY'S FIRE FAMILY...... EVER AGAIN. CHRIST! I DO NOTHING RIGHT. Thought everyone would want a little entertainment.....now other people's words are being shoved into my mouth. WHAT THE FUCK..... The stressssssssss


www.rubysfire.com

Fuck Love...everyone knows what we all really want

Ruby Wannabee,
He is a dog and Believe me I know.
He did the same shit to me . . . . . This is why we are such good friends.
He was playing me but I was most certainly playing right back. It was quite humorous actually for the both of us!
purrrrrrr....... It is all about the way you handle a situation.
I felt you handled it well.
Poor Andy...... Doesn't have a clue and it isn't his fault.
He is a wonderful man, wonderful friend, great listener and a fantastic lover.
Just keep things simple. Don't complicate it with the "C,L or R" words.
CHRIST..... Why can't we just keep it short, sweet and to the point people? We are all adults here.
Why must it always be difficult and all about love?
Fuck love. I am still disgustingly frightened of it.

www.rubysfire.com

Sometimes my friends vent to a blog that is linked to this one. You cannot see the blogs unless you are an authorized user but I really wanted to post this one from a close friend of mine. I wanted people to see that other people in thos world have problems and ask me for help ALOT!! Like I am a miracle Worker. At any rate, the following post is posted on Ruby's Fire Family Blog. These people who use and view this blog, pay a fee and are not viewable from my web site.
Here goes:

I went out with K and Liz and all of the other chics. We were all drinking and having fun when I saw him walk through the door. Andy Andy Andy. Fucking Prick hasn't called me in like 3 weeks. We had such a great time at K's house a few weeks back and then again at the Flannery Thanksgiving. My sister kept warning me. Telling me he was no good. She kept telling me he is a dirty dog. But he was so handsome and so affectonate. He asked me out and we went to dinner and then had drinks after. We always saw eachother on Wednesday Nights usually because of TRIVIA NIGHT but he had come in one Thursday and was looking for K. He was out smoking a cigarette and kept talking about K,K K. He then asked me out. Anyway, we go out, have drinks, he gives me the whole speel on how he is looking to settle down and not into playing games bla bla bla (as K would say) So we start kissing and one thing leads to another and well you know. He spends the night. He holds me, cuddles, kisses and just lies there with me. It was fantastic. He called me 3 hours after he left. He had his kids all day and I had the baby anyway.
He wanted to make plans for the night with me. He said he would call me back when his kids go hime. I waited and waited... blew off my plans and everything. Then 3 weeks go by and here he is sitting at our table like it is no big deal. Whatever. Anyway. Everyone jumps in his big black Excursion and we all just drive and drive for no apparent reason. All I can still here in my head is Him and K screaming "We're cocky, and you all say what, it aint bragging mutha fucka if you back it up" my GOD if they aren't meant to be together. I always notice that when they are together they are like the married couple. K always sits in the front. Why the fuck was I not in the front? I am bangin him. (I am such a classy broad). She is forever next to him and sitting with him or riding next to him in the car. I am not mad so don't mis screw things here. They are just very very good friends. The kind of friends that they can lie next to eachother in bed naked and nothing ever would happen. I guess it is my jealousy of their "friendship". K always gets the good friendships. Ok So I am very jealous. Anyway I just wish could have talked to him alone without everyone else there.
I am aggravated and frustrated and completely torn. I really like him alot. I thouhgt he could have been it.
I hate men! - Ruby Wannabee HAHHAAAHHAA
www.rubysfire.com

My weekend was awesome. Friday night was awesome! Hung out with the wedding party and then continued the night with Liz, Coco, Katie, Rachel, Theresa, Andy and dink Chucky blew me off the bastard. He fell asleep. Anyway, 5 hot mamas out on the town. Watch out! We went to Kam's and sang karaoke. Oh !!! I ran into Rick, (MARK MAGUIRE LOOKALIKE) He just moved back from Florida and is looking better than ever. We reminisced for a few and then Andy came. We were all having a blast. I was out very very very late. We cruised in the Excursion and listened to Kid Rock and just all drove around and talked about everything. It was a weird, fun, exciting and adventurous night. 4 am came quick and then I was junk! I made them drop me off and then realized my car was parked at Kam's garden. Thank Goodness Coco stayed on the couch because we had the Escalade to bring me to my car in the am. I thought I was stranded. I slept most of the morning away and then i went out to dinner with T.A. We had a really nice time at F1 but next time we go we are definitely racing first. It is such a cool place. The food was pretty good too. I was buzsing off of the champagne and the bud lites but we continued to go drinking at D'Ann's in Holbrook. Everyone was there. It was a great night for all present I think. I went home shortly after due to some drama . . . . . . . . . . . . I had a blast . . . . . . . .OH WELL . . . .l . . .. . . . .
I believe the last thing that I remember before dozing off for the night was Telling Andy to grow up as I slammed the door.
Yup... that definitely either was a dream or it really happened. Not sure. I still am not sure. Hmmmmm
Happy Thanksgiving is the only thing that comes to mind!
hahahaha


www.rubysfire.com

Off to Court...... Wish me luck.


www.rubysfire.com

I AM NOT A MANEATER... OH MY GODDDD. This email actually made me laugh. Listen Coo Coo, You know me enough to really know that it is so not true. Are you kidding me right now?
I have to be in court at 3:30 and I am stressing. Oh and tonight I get to go and have my bridesmaid dress fitted again. I lost almost 8 pounds so I am curious to see what my measurements are. Thank Goodness we have 3 more alterations. Anyway, I have my dress alterations tonight, tomorrow I have to go help with the flower pickings and then Tony and I are going to dinner and then meeting people for some drinky drinks..... Can't wait to just relax and I seriously cannot wait for this friend of mine to get married. This is far more work than I bargained for.
I am not the working kind of girl.

www.rubysfire.com

ARE U FREAKING KIDDING ME WITH THE DIGS ON ME LATELY????

Posted to ruby@rubysfire.com 2004-02-13 01:24:22 pm EST
Posted by: *#&@(#)$*))___(___( @yahoo.com
Subject: You are a maneater


She'll only come out at night
The lean and hungry type
Nothing is new, I've seen her here before
Watching and waiting
Oh, she's sitting with you but her eyes are on the door

So many have paid to see
What you think you're gettin' for free
The woman is wild, a she-cat tamed by the purr of a Jaguar
Money's the matter
If you're in it for love, you ain't gonna get too far

(Oh-oh, here she comes) Watch out boy she'll chew you up
(Oh-oh, here she comes) She's a maneater
(Oh-oh, here she comes) Watch out boy she'll chew you up
(Oh-oh, here she comes) She's a maneater

I wouldn't if I were you
I know what she can do
She's deadly man, she could really rip your world apart
Mind over matter
Ooh, the beauty is there but a beast is in the heart

(Oh-oh, here she comes) Watch out boy she'll chew you up
(Oh-oh, here she comes) She's a maneater
(Oh-oh, here she comes) Watch out boy she'll chew you up
(Oh-oh, here she comes) She's a maneater

www.rubysfire.com

www.rubysfire.com

I want to kiss you in Paris
I want to hold your hand in Rome
I wanna run naked in a rainstorm
Make love in a train cross-country
You put this in me
So now what?

Wanting, needing, waiting
For you to justify my love

Hoping, praying
For you to justify my love

I want to know you
Not like that
I don't want to be your mother
I don't want to be your sister either
I just want to be your lover
I want to be your baby
Kiss me, that's right, kiss me

Yearning, burning
For you to justify my love

What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?
Talk to me -- tell me your dreams
Am I in them?
Tell me your fears
Are you scared?
Tell me your stories
I'm not afraid of who you are
We can fly!

Poor is the man
Whose pleasures depend
On the permission of another
Love me, that's right, love me
I want to be your baby

I'm open and ready
For you to justify my love
To justify my love
Wanting, to justify
Waiting, to justify my love
Praying, to justify
To justify my love
I'm open, to justify my love

www.rubysfire.com

THANKS PARADISE

Posted to ruby@rubysfire.com 2004-02-12 12:45:22 pm EST
Posted by: *#&@(#)$*))___(___( @g*od*sm*ck.com
Subject: CRIMSON


READ YOUR BLOG AND JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE AWESOME! YOU ASK THE QUESTION "IS THIS REALLY TRUE?" AND MY ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY NEGATIVE. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON KATIE, WHY DO YOU LET THESE FREAKS MAKE YOU FEEL DIFFERENT? CUT THE SHIT AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED BY MANY IMPORTANT PEOPLE. MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OF THESE CHOOCHES.
YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME WHEN YOU NEED ME. I MAY BE MILES AWAY BUT I AM ALWAYS RIGHT HERE. K.W.I.M.
SULLS

www.rubysfire.com

STRONGER

As if I really need to explain myself or my feelings. AS IF is the operative word. My blogger is my diary. It is how I feel and it is a place where I vent. After thinking at length about the previous email posted, I have come to a number of conclusions. (Which by the way I am hesitant about revealing). At any rate, I have racked my brain for the past few hours and this is what I can offer:
Love..... such a strong and bittersweet word. Am I capable of love? I definitely am. In fact I thrive for it. The love I feel for my family and close few friends and especially my daughter is unexplainable. When I wake up to my baby girl smiling every morning of my lifetime, this surge of electrifying energy shoots through me. I am going to have to blame "Love" for that.
Why is it that I push people away or build a wall of protection when they want to show me love? Could the blatant and overwhelming fact that my heart has been brutally badgered and torn to pieces be a good enough explanation for you? Could the fact that every single relationship that I was ever seriously involved in (except 1 or 2) ended in my heart being smashed to bits and my trust being demolished? Could the fact that I have been used, abused, robbed, and tragically devestated by almost all of the few men I have been involved with be a good reason?
I do not feel as if I am unloving or unaffectionate. On the contrary I think. I care deeply about the people I love and trust and I would give my everything if they needed it.
I think that people are getting a misconception of the kind of person I am. Not that I have to explain to anyone..anything for that matter but Seriously....
I am a good, honest, decent person. I am very afraid of falling in love again. I am extremely frightened at the thought of a commitment and me giving my heart and soul to someone. I do not have a problem admitting that but to accuse me of being shallow, cold, unloving and unaffectionate is just completely false and quite frankly very hurtful. I am trying very very hard to work on my faults and failures. I am not perfect. I am in no way even close. But I am only human and I have made terrible, terrible mistakes in my life. But the thing about that is, I have learned valuable lessons. I am actually grateful for that. I can't say honestly that I have no regrets. I certainly do. But I can't change the past. I can only look forward and continue the path I have chosen. Obstacles are always going to come along. No path is silky smooth. But I feel as though I am stronger now. That is what I would say about me. I am not unloving, unaffectionate, shallow and cold. I am just stronger.

Katie

www.rubysfire.com

IS THIS REALLY TRUE?

One of my daily readers emailed me early this morning with the following remarks to some of my recent blogs:

Posted to ruby@rubysfire.com 2004-02-12 05:26:32 am EST
Posted by: *#&@(#)$*))___(___( @ comcast.net
Subject: WHAT I THINK

"Katie, Ruby, Do you even know who you are? Which one is it? Katie or Ruby? Forgive me if I seem harsh right now but I am seriously confused. I have noticed in your blogs that you are seeking happiness and true and undying love yet you do nothing but bitch and complain about how unhappy you are and miserable. Do you think that maybe if you were a little more optimistic and positive that better things would happen? You want love so badly YET you walk away, shut down, build a wall, and push it away as soon as it comes remotely close to you. Why do you constantly do that? You have these men who grovel and beg at your feet and you kick them all in the gut. What makes you think for a second that you are worth any of it? Did you ever think to maybe send a gift to them or maybe send them a nice card just to let them know you are thinking of them? Did it ever occur to you that whoever it is you might be involved with just might be having a terrible day like you? Do you even care? Is it that you don't know how to love and be affectionate or is it because you do not want to be? I am sorry but you couldn't possibly have been hurt that much for you at your age to completely turn the love off. I don't get it. It seems to me that you live 2 different lives. Ruby's and Katie's. You need to pick one before you really fail in all that you want to do. Are you really up for living your life without any companionship because you chase everything real and loving away from you? Are you really this cold and shallow? Can you live with the unloving and unaffectionate life that you lead? What values are you teaching your daughter? I would say the wrong ones and I am sure every reader agrees.
You need to realize alot of things. I am not saying this to be mean or harsh. I think you need to know what the people outside looking in think. And I think you are in for a lifetime of misery if you don't knock that wall down girl.
Respectfully, A loyal and honest reader"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I really don't know what to say. My mind is going in a million directions right now. I do have to say that I must have a heart because It doesn't feel so good after reading that. I just stopped crying a few minutes ago and I think it is seriously time for me to go away for a while. I need to heal...... alone.
I have no response to this. My heart is still in my stomach right now.
My Goddess I hope this is not true and how people really see me. I am so sick right now.
www.rubysfire.com

I am a little PMS ish today. UH OH.


www.rubysfire.com

SO my ear is still aching. I am going to Felicia tonight to see if she can give me a remedy. At any rate, I met with that guy today at 1 pm to talk salary and benefit packages. Sounds like it is a great oppurtunity for me but I have a few things to research on the 401 K and medical. I also want to research this business. They pay well but some things strike me as a bit shady. I mean I am a good accountant, I am very good at what I do now but I am not going to jail for a shady guy. The pay is well and the benefits seem remarkable....... just don't want to get involved with any "waste management" companies if you catch my drift. This is what this seems to be. I have already been there and done that so .... We'll see. If not, I will just take a brief vacation, collect unemployment for a few and relax....which is what i really should do anyway. I need that. But you all know me.... On the Go Katie. Never stop for water or anything. I just have to always be running or busy or rushing. WHYYYYY????? I am getting excited for Valentine's Day. All the girls in the office have a competition thing going. Who gets the best bouquet, the best gift, etc..... I have a good feeling that I am going to win this one. We'll see on Friday. Between you and me.. The guy I am seeing is alot classier and how do I say this without being mean... ummm alot more financially stable I guess... My man is better ha ha ha ha ha ha PERIOD!!!
OK enough of me being a spoiled high maintenance brat.
Liz has me worried about her. I am getting myself worried actually for her because She missed a very important court date with psycho path Paul Vaudry and now he is amending the restraining order which worries me for her safety and the baby's.
I am frustrated with the entire court system..... SHIT which reminds me ..... I have to go to Court tomorrow morning for my speeding ticket. DAMN!!!Thank Goddess I remembered. I need to make sure my power cleavage shirt is clean.... that shirt works wonders on judges and police men.... speaking of "waste management" companies. . . I was always in that shirt. Liz calls it my I am woman hear me roar and get WHATEVER i WANT SHIRT. HAHAHAH
So my web site is annoying me. I tried to add new pictures on the pictures page but to no avail. It looked terrible and had to reset the entire site. It is so frustrating to me. I can't afford to keep paying these people to update the site so I am left on my own and that is just not my knack. I want to make a bunch of changes to the site and I just don't know how to do it.
Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch . . . . . . . . . Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch Bitch.... . . . . . . .
Don't you all wish you could just say SHUT UP KATIE...
hahahhahaha YOU CAN'T Ne Ne Ne Na Na Na Na


www.rubysfire.com

Joseph, I didn't mean to be a Bitch Cupcake. I am Sorry. But things worked out.. SEEEEEEE..... I am not as dumb as I look o.k.? BY&M....ILY2!

Posted to ruby@rubysfire.com 2004-02-10 03:26:41 CST
Posted by: *#&@(#)$*))___(___( @ aol.com
Subject: My last words
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
October 21, 1999

LATE AT NIGHT, I CLOSE MY EYES
AND THINK HOW THINGS COULD'VE BEEN
AND WHEN I LOOK BACK
I REMEMEBER SOME WORDS YOU HAD SAID TO ME
"IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOST AT LOVE, THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL"
SOMETIMES IN MY HEAD
I CAN STILL SEE PICTURES OF YOU
AND I LAUGH TO MYSELF
WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE CRAZY THINGS WE USED TO DO
ALL THE MILES COME BETWEEN US
THE "JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME'S" (BY&M)
I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU FADE AWAY
BUT THAT JUST WOULDN'T BE ME

"LOVE LOST, IS LOVE FOUND AND YOU ARE THE LOST LOVE THAT I WILL FOREVER SEEK. I CANNOT BEGIN MY LIFE AGAIN UNLESS I HAVE YOUR BLESSING AND KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE THERE TO CATCH ME AS I WAS TO CATCH YOU. SO KATIE, THIS I ASK YOU:
I AM WALKING DOWN THE AISLE IN 21 DAYS TO MARRY THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN IN THE WORLD. YOU USED TO BE THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN IN MY LIFE, AND I CAN'T BEGIN TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE BEEN ON MY MIND. I ONCE COULD NOT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOU. . . UNTIL I MET HER. SHE WAS SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM YOU. SHE DIDN'T HAVE THAT SPARK TO HER. I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE HER. WELL I LOVE HER NOW BUT I THINK I STILL LOVE YOU. SHE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO HAVE CLOSURE WITH YOU AND I AM SCARED TO DEATH. I AM SCARED THAT I DON'T WANT CLOSURE FROM YOU. IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS 3 WEEKS AND 6 DAYS SINCE YOU LEFT ME AND NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T SEE YOUR FACE IN MY HEAD. NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T REPLAY THAT DAY WHEN YOU WALKED ONTO THE PLANE AND I WAS TOO LATE TO STOP YOU. I SAT AT THE AIRPORT FOR 4 HOURS AFTER YOUR PLANE LEFT. I AM NOT SURE YOU ARE AWARE OF THAT. YOU HAVE DENTED MY HEART. I THOUGHT SHE COULD HEAL IT AND MAKE IT WHOLE AGAIN BUT I AM FINDING NOW THAT THIS IS NOT SO. I GUESS WHAT I AM ASKING YOU IS....WELL WHAT I NEED TO KNOW IS ...DO YOU THINK OF ME AND WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT? DO YOU WISH THAT YOU NEVER LEFT ME? DO YOU THINK WE WERE MEANT TO BE? WHAT IF WE ARE AND I AM MAKING A BIG MISTAKE?
WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, CAN YOU PLEASE CALL ME? I NEED TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE THESE FEELINGS TOO. I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL EVER STOP LOVING YOU. IT IS NOT FAIR TO HER THAT I AM HAVING THESE FEELINGS. SHE BEGGED ME TO FIGURE THIS OUT. I AM COUNTING ON YOU TO HELP ME. I AM FLYING OUT TO NYC FOR THE WEEKEND AND WAS HOPING TO POSSIBLY MEET UP WITH YOU.
ONCE AGAIN I AM COUNTING ON YOU TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS MESS. I NEED YOU. I ASK THAT YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES OF YOUR TIME.
BY&M
ILY!
-- J --
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE REPLY TO THIS LETTER WAS AS FOLLOWS "WORD FOR WORD" (god u were a witch)

J
I AM NOT ONLY SURPRISED TO HEAR FROM YOU, I AM ALSO CONFUSED AND HURT.
I HAVE TRIED CALLING YOU AND EVEN VISITED MY FAMILY A FEW MONTHS BACK AND TRIED NUMEROUS TIMES TO CONTACT YOU TO NO AVAIL. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE HAVING A HARD TIME RIGHT NOW. AS YOU KNOW, I HAVE A DAUGHTER NOW WHO IS MY #1 PRIORITY. I HAVE ENOUGH GOING ON IN MY LIFE THAT THERE IS NO WAY I CAN BE OF ANY HELP. I WAS NOT EVEN AWARE THAT YOU WERE SEEING SOMEONE. WE DECIDED THAT WE WOULD GO OUR SEPERATE WAYS AND THAT I WAS TOO YOUNG TO BE MARRIED AND I HAD MY LIFE BACK IN BOSTON. WE WENT OUR SEPERATE WAYS AND I REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY TO YOU. I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE THIS EASIER FOR YOU BUT I CANNOT. I CARE DEEPLY FOR YOU AND WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU NEED TO GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. I WILL NOT ONLY BE A BURDEN TO YOU AT THIS POINT IN TIME, I AM UNABLE TO LOVE. THE ANSWER TO ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS IS NO EXCEPT ONLY ONE. I DO WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT AND I ALSO WISH I MADE A DIFFERENT CHOICE, BUT I DID NOT.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND PLEASE BE HAPPY.
BM&Y
ILYT!
KATIE ANNE
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WELL I MARRIED THE GIRL AND IT WAS THE BEST THING I COULD HAVE EVER DONE. ALTHOUGH I STILL TO THIS DAY THINK OF YOU OFTEN, SHE IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE. I THANK YOU FOR THAT SUGAR. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU. AND YOU ARE RIGHT. YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME. WHEN I LISTEN TO THE RADIO OR EVEN WATCH A MOVIE.....IT IS YOU WHOM I WISH I WAS WITH. GO FIGURE. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU. AND ABOVE ALL THANK YOU FOR NEVER CHANGING.
AS MUCH AS I DESPISED YOU FOR A LONG TIME, IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I AM HAPPY. YOU ROCK SUGAR SUGAR. ANYWAY....... YOU STILL NEED TO FIND YOUR HAPPINESS AND FIND A NICE GUY TO TORTURE. (JUST KIDDING). BUT NOT REALLY. HA HA HA CALL ME TOMORROW IF YOU CAN.
BY&M
ILY!
J





www.rubysfire.com

JOSEPH, JOSEPH, JOSEPH . . . . . hahahahah

I am still at work and I just hung up with a good friend of mine. We actually dated a very long time ago when I lived in Texas. He was a great guy but of course I was after the hard core biker type then....so needless to say I left him, came back and left again for good and moved back home to Massachusetts. His name is Joseph and he is married now. He jokes around with me about the lovely life I could have had. Don't get me wrong, he is happily married and has a son now who is 5. We talk a few times a month. He is best friends with my cousin Davey who I try to keep in touch with often. They are thousands of miles away and I wish they were closer sometimes. Anyway, I was ranting and raving to Joe about work and life and bla bla bla and he just laughs at me. I was pissed at first because I was not finding anything I said funny at all. He then continues to read a letter he wrote to me but never sent. It was about 9 years ago when I left him the first time to come home. Then I came back to him a year later. Then I finally left him again after a year or so and he was writing me a letter to tell me how badly I hurt him. How Mad he was at me. It stated that he tried everything in his power to keep me there. He wanted so badly to marry me and everything else. At that point in my life, I had just met Paul a few months back and I fell in love with him (GROSS) (YEAH KICKING MYSELF RIGHT IN THE ASS NOW!!) and I couldn't stay away from him or my family. I didnt even tell him I was leaving. I left it up to my Aunt and cousins to break the news. He even flew up to Boston the next weekend and I refused to see him. (AGAIN KICKING MYSELF IN THE ASS). Anyway, He was saying all these things in this unsent letter and he started to laugh because as he was reading it that song "This Love" by Maroon Five came on. As he was listening to the lyrics he started to laugh because he said it was almost as if Maroon Five read the letter and made a song out of it. "FATE you might think, Katie Anne" was the next sentence out of his mouth. I said... yeah FATE that if you had a chance again I'd probably leave you again. He laughed agreeingly. I don't know what is wrong with me. Here was a man who was disgustingly rich, loved me whole heartedly, wanted a family, dealt with all of my bull shit and moods, would have given me the world on a platinum platter and I take off to go home to wonderful Paul. YEAH. Can anyone say IDIOT? I know that we would never have been good together now. But what was I thinking about with Paul??????? Things that make you go hmmmmmmm would be the song right about now. I mean the weight of it is remarkable. It was a no brainer yet I was blinded. Be with someone who treats you well and loves you? or Be with someone who shits all over you and hurts you? WHY? That's easy. I thought I could change Paul. I thought I could "teach" him to love me. hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah
At any rate, you learn from your trials and errors and hopefully become a better person. I like to think that is true. I hope it is true because I don't want another "Paul" relationship ever ever again. As I was wrapping up the conversation with JOseph, I could hear his son in the background playing and yelling to him that dinner was ready and it sort of bothered me a little bit. HE said "You could have been here right now sugar". and You know what I told him? I said "Cupcake, I am there. I am still in your heart. I never left. You will always be a part of me as I know I am with you. We have a friendship that surpasses everything. That is why I am grateful for what we had and what we now have". I could feel him smile over the phone agreeing with my every word. I chuckled after I hung up the phone because even though I could be living in a 2.5 million dollar home in Arlington Texas, cooking dinner, driving in my Mercedes SUV, feeding the horses and watching my children run around, I would have never experienced the trials I endured. I would never have met my gorgeous Angel baby Hannah Emily and I don't think I would be happy with that. I know the Moons and stars gave me "This life" for a reason. The choices I made were never done in vain and they were for a reason. Maybe I do not know the reasons yet but it will all come together soon. It will all be very clear eventually. I do miss Joseph Zanti but I do not wish things were different. I am just glad that I met him because he is funny and sweet and is always there when I need to yell. . . . even if he is thousands of miles away. I am content with that.

Anyway, here is the lyrics to that song. I get a kick out of it now. He sent me the MP3 and I have been listening to it over and over again. I really love it. Strange how things happen.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The flames controlled my mind

Whispered goodbye
She got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
But I have no choice
Cuz I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied

Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
But I have no choice
Cuz I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix those broken dreams
Repair your broken wings
and make sure everythings alright
My pressure on your hips
Sink in my fingertips
to every inch of you
Cuz I know thats what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And My heart is breaking in front of me
But I have no choice
Cuz I won't say goodbye anymore

www.rubysfire.com

this is the last time that I'm ever gonna come here
tonight this is the last time - I will fall into a place that fails us all - inside
I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold
this is the last time that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us
if I was to give in - give it up
- and then take a breath -
make it deep cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one / that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

www.rubysfire.com

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows
knee high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountain top
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me


www.rubysfire.com

I have the most painfully quenching ear ache ever voiced in history. I am in complete agony. It started off as a small ringing and a subtle shreik of pain every so often. Now I am keeled over on my chair because the only way it feels relief, is when all of the blood is rushing to my neck and brain. It hurts so much. I wish someone would throw a rock at my head to take the pain away from my ear ache.
Valentine's Day is right around the corner. I love the entire concept of Valentine's Day. The Love that is in the air. I just love the hearts, the kid valentines and all the candy hearts and the conversation hearts are the best.
Especially the new ones. "Beep me", "Text Me", "Call my cell", "2-Way me" and the famous one "Be Mine". Love that.... the bag of hearts Jax got today ..hahah one of them said "Be Ours". I thought that one was cute. Anyway, I am achy today and I have no explanations why. I did absolutely nothing all weekend. I went out to dinner with Tony (make note to ourself: NEVER GO TO BERTUCCI'S in Randolph because the Outback has a 2 hour wait.) THEY SUCK!!! The bartender there was a hee haww donkey. It was actually knid of humorous and I really didnt care because Tony and I had a good time and great conversation.
Anyway, I am so going to the Doctor's for some sort of drug to rid me of the anguish in my ear lobe. I feel like my ear needs to be popped. It hurts sooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahhhhh Wahhhhh {{{Crying in pain}}}
Talk to you all later on.
www.rubysfire.com

I just wanted everyone to know that my daughter, Hannah Emily, is going to be 8 years old in 2 months and yeah... I am flipping out. I cannot believe that I am a mommy to the most perfect, precious, artistic and talented almost 8 year old on this universe.
So to my lil' Princess of the Moon and Stars..... I love you whole skies and moons and infinity and one.

MY DEAR CHILD.
You are the poem
I dreamed of writing
the masterpiece
I longed to paint.
You are the shining star
I reached for In my
ever hopeful quest
for life fulfilled..
You are my child.
Now with all things
I am blessed.

OKAY!!!! Something has happened to my blogger! Ahhhhhhhhhh
BIG ERROR. Not sure what has happened but hopefully they will fix it soon. I just had an hour long email inquiry so I think help is on it's way.
HOPEFULLY THIS WILL POST. SORRY EVERYONE.....
The problem shold be fixed shortly
Ruby
xoxo

I awoke at 3:30 am to rocks being thrown at my window. Tap, Tap, Tap And I open the window to my 3 wonderful drunken friends....wanting shelter from the rain. hahahahahah
So I said to the idiots (Ziggy,Mike,Jess) Yeah you dumb asses... I told them I refuse to let them in my house and NOOO I am not going egging with them. I told them they were 28,32 and 33 and to GROW UP. I continued to slam my window and All of a sudden I hear "CRACK" yeah the bastards egged my window. So here I am in my Black wife beater and cheekies, running down my front stairs into the front yard and I tackled Ziggy. He was so completely shocked that He almost hit me until he realized it was me. It was pouring rain out and I was so friggan mad that they not only woke me up but smashed an egg off of my bedroom window, but because I had to work at 7 and I was exhausted and now soaking wet. They were all laughing hysterically and I tok the entire box of egs and whipped them at them all and continuously was hitting the truck. Well I think that is right around the time that they got pissed. It is a brand new F350 so yeah I probably should have left the truck alone. I was angry though. I ran up the stairs, leaving them all shocked with their mouths wide open and slammed my front door, locked it, and walked lethargically up my steps, stripped and crawled into my bed. I instantly passed out and was reminded of the episode as I was walking to my car and saw the numerous cracked eggs upon my front lawn. I hope none of my neighbors woke up because the scene they would have saw.... me half naked on my front lawn.
Ziggy called me this morning and told me I would be washing his truck today after I nursed his half black eye and bruised cheek. He said that it looks as if he was jumped or something. Awww poor Zig. Should have thought about that when you were violating me.
I think my psycho scary stalker freak has finally received the hint.
I should probably eat those words now huh?

I am going to go on vicky secrets web site to replace the cheekies I just ruined last night while mud wrestling in the pouring rain..... ahhh don't you just love the visual of that . . . . I like to put smiles on my readers faces once in a while.
Actually the cheekies are actually called Tangas on www.victoriasecret.com . Visit the site and feel free to send a few pairs to me for Valentine's day o.k.? Preferably Black or Red.

Have a lovely day!
Ruby

PSYCHO STALKER FREAK GUY

This guy is unbelievable. If I show up dead somewhere, his email address is (For lawsuit reasons) in the enclosed authorized users blogger. You know how to get it. ***THIS BLOG IS PARTIALLY BLOCKED FOR AUTHORIZED USERS ONLY***

NOW THIS WAS AN INTERSTING EMAIL I RECEIVED TODAY . . My reply was even better hee hee

This is for you Katie . . . . You think u hate me more than I hate you?

See i dont, know why i liked you so much
I gave you all of my trust
I told you, i loved you, now thats all down the drain
You put me through pain, i wanna let u know how i feel

Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents, you might as well throw them out
Fuck all those kisses, it didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you whore, i dont want you back

You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
You burnt bitch, i heard the story
You played me, you even gave him head
Now you're asking for me back
You're just another act, look elsewhere
Cuz you're done with me

Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents you might as well throw them out
Fuck all those kisses it didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back

You questioned, did i care
You could ask anyone, i even said
You were my great one
Now its, over, but i do admit i'm sad.
It hurts real bad, i cant sweat that, cuz i loved a hoe

Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses it didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back

AND MY RESPONSE . . . . . .
See i dont, know why you stalk me so
I told you if you call me, I'd call the cops
I told you, i despise you, now thats all down the drain
You put me through pain, i wanna let u know how i feel

Fuck what i said you aren't a nice guy
Fuck the presents, I already threw them out
Fuck all those kisses, I never even kissed you..eewww
Fuck you, you psycho, you need fucking prozac

You thought, you could
Keep harrassing me, yeah
You burnt prick, I'm calling your shrink
You scare me, who did I give head too?
You say I am asking for you back
You never had me in the first place ya big fucking freak
I am done with you??? WHAT are you crazy?

Fuck what i said you aren't a nice guy
Fuck the presents, I already threw them out
Fuck all those kisses, I never even kissed you
Fuck you, you psycho, you need fucking prozac

You questioned, did i care
You could ask anyone, i even said
You were a mental stalking freak
Now that your sick fantasy is over, I admit I am siked
I hope it hurts real bad because you are sick in the head

Fuck what i said you aren't a nice guy
Fuck the presents, I already threw them out
Fuck all those kisses, I never even kissed you
Fuck you, you psycho, you need fucking prozac

How can I love somebody else
If I can't love myself enough to know
When it's time,
Time to let go

All I really want
is to be happy
And to find a love that's mine
It would be so sweet

I ask for the sign
From the sweet stars above
I know the answer is in front of me
But when you think you're in love
You only see what you want to see
And all I see is me for you
And you for me

I cannot hide the way I feel inside
No I don't know why
I don't know why but every day I want to cry
Every day I want to cry
If I give you one more try
To there rules, will you abide
And if I mean anything to you
Would it make everything all right

I just want to be so, so, happy
But the answer lies in me
I do believe
That we can be happy
I just want to be happy

Life is too short
To play some games
Now take some time and think about
If it's really worth losing me
Why must it be this way
Why do you have to play with my mind
All the time


All I really want is for me to be happy

All I really want is for me to be happy

All I really want is for me to be happy

I don't want to have to worry about anything anymore

FOR LIZZY.. A LIL' ELVIS......

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby

Baby close your eyes and listen to the music
Drifting through a summer breeze
It’s a groovy night and I can show you how to use it
Come along with me and put your mind at ease

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby

Come on baby I’m tired of talking
Grab your coat and let’s start walking
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Don’t procrastinate, don’t articulate
Girl it’s getting late, gettin’ upset waitin’ around

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby